As a girl, I’ve had experience with guys trying to pick me up—but please don’t think I’m being conceited when I say that, because firstly, I never said they were charmers (or good looking). And secondly, I think all girls have some experience with certain men (a.k.a. perverts) in the club. So, to avoid you fellas attempting to seduce a lost cause, let me save you by presenting: The Five Biggest Turn Offs For Girls At Clubs.
1. Sweat
There’s a not-so-fine line between, ‘I’ve been dancing up a storm and I’m a little sweaty’ and ‘I’ve obviously dropped something tonight, because my pores are crying you a river’. If you’re dripping head-to-toe in sweat and you’re trying to grind on me…please don’t.
2. Smell
Following at a close second is scent. If you’re leaking sweat, chances are you smell like a walking fart. If that’s true, and you’re still trying to pick us up, signs point to NO, buddy. Make sure you lather yourself in that $20 cologne, or even your Grandmother’s perfume before you leave the house, because no (decent) girl is going to go home with the drunken, sweaty, smelly dude with glassy eyes.
3. Perverted-ness
Here’s a lesson I think a lot of men need to learn; women have eyes. It may seem obvious, lads, but this fact means that we can see your eyes staring at our cleavage. More often than not girls have strategically pushed those puppies up so you do look, so I’m not saying you’re not allowed to look…just don’t make us feel uncomfortable with your seedy glare.
4. Players
I say again; we have eyes. If you’ve already flirted with every girl at the club, we can see you. If you’ve been a seedy player all night, we can see you. And if you’ve been sweeping the dance floor all night and you’re now moving on to us, we can see right through you. We are not idiots. And we won’t be treated like lusty, second-best, trash bitches by yo’ smelly ass.
5. Drunkenness
It’s a club; I’m drunk, you’re drunk, everyone’s drunk. But there’s a difference between drunk, and embarrassing, disgusting drunk. If your eyes are glazed, you’re slurring, and you’ve snuck in a sneaky vom in the girls bathrooms, you’re probably the latter. And if so, chances are you’re also sweaty, smelly, perverted and being a tad of a player, which, if you haven’t noticed, is the previously stated four turnoffs for girls in the club. So, if you’re too drunk and sloppy don’t embarrass yourself. Just go home… alone.
(Plus 1): Desperados
One final tip (that you should cherish for the rest of your life); don’t appear too eager. Girls are odd creatures, even I’ll admit, and we enjoy a hunt before we catch our prey. What I mean is, girls love a chase (at least in the beginning), so don’t beg, or appear desperate—because that is the number one turn off for girls.
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