Proving Australians are not kangaroo riding bogans who put beer on their breakfast cereal to members of the international community is a constant battle. But it is. Especially when we have people like T-Rex Abbott in Parliament and when this guy is a YouTube sensation. I want to wave my hands around in the air and yell and then get all my friends and paint a great big cultured painting to show everyone that THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT INDICATIVE OF OUR WHOLE NATION I AM SO SORRY PLEASE IGNORE THEM.
That is why I feel that it is everyone’s nationalist obligation not to vote or participate in Clean Up Australia Day or whatever, but to show every single person who comes here from overseas that in Australia we is peepol too and we can do peepol things like you can. The most convincing way to do this is in the dark with alcohol because impaired judgement and a foggy memory makes for a convincing argument.
BEST PLACES IN MELBOURNE TO TAKE INTERNATIONAL VISITORS
If they are middle aged - Crown Ca$ino
Endless rooms of flashing lights and drinks in big glasses is always fancy and always impressive to anybody who witnessed the collapse of the Soviet Union thinks socks and sandals are a-okay. If they are not sold, take them to Southbank where they have those things that blow fire, you don’t argue with an element.
If they are “high class”/if they tell you they are “high class” - CQ
Tappers are practically uniform here, this will be great in the undoing of the we-only-wear-thongs-in-Australia myth.
If they are “finding themselves” (a.k.a. into drugs) - Revolver
Melbourne people would be like, “Ew gross, do you even value your life?”, but I’d say, heritage and socially historically speaking, Revs is an icon. There are lots of people having a good time in their own special, introverted ways, they play hardcore tracks, it is dark and underground-y even though you have to walk up a million stairs. This is not the outback pub seared into the minds of travellers.
If they are English/Irish/Scottish - Big Mouth
It’s a pub with dancing. I went here once and I met so many English, Irish, and Scottish people who were having the time of their lives. I doubt it was coincidence.
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