The Olympics is lovely, muscular men and women all in one place who have dedicated their whole lives training to dominate when they compete against one another to win a shiny medallion and probably the love of their stage parents. The testosterone would be pumping.
It’s pretty devastating that we can’t all be as athletic and successful as the Australian Olympic team, because it would be cool to be on TV and endorse muesli bars when you’re not in a swimming pool. What does reconcile my sadness, however, is that fact that I can eat whatever the hell I want and drink as often as my body permisses and they cannot. In the spirit of the games, let’s put our un-atheletic stills to good use and celebrate the passing of another four years of training and party here like they are doing back in the motherland.
1. Start your weekend drinking session sometime during the week, ideally in the morning.
Yeah the English are keen for knock off drinks. So keen that maintaining a state of partial intoxication appears part of the job. The British dedication to partying and creating a sense of cultural… jolliness… is to be admired by us; the later generations of their convicts. So, to get into the proper state of mind and celebrate the games at ones full capacity, it is advisable to start getting sloshed like now.
2. Watch events in public places.
Preferably at pubs - they serve alcohol there. Nationalism and pride in one’s country is a big part of the British culture. Pretty much every car has the British flag stuck on it somewhere and so do about 70 percent of the houses. If you wanna get into the games like the English do, get amongst the masses and compete in your own event to prove how proud you are to be Australian. I know we’re already pretty good at this, but it would be nice to see more people singing along to the anthem and generally people refrain from singing unless everyone around them is tanked. I hope I see people singing on the street this Olympics.
3. Ignore winter.
I’m sure you’re aware that the English summer gets about as hot as you do thinking about Tony Abbott, but the chill is no deterrent for British folk. They go out in the snow. They don’t plan to go out and then when it starts to spit throw in the towel and stay home with their 6 pack and watch Before The Game. The English aren’t scared of a little bit of water, sickness, hypothermia or whatever. They go for gold whatever the weather.
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