Bars and Nightclubs
Melbourne CBD, Melbourne

Colonial Hotel

Corner King St. and Lonsdale St.Melbourne,VIC
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Features four independent bar areas with a large selection of beverages on tap complimented by an extensive wine list. Offering excellent function facilities with four independent areas to choose from, The Colonial is one of Melbourne’s few 24 hour licensed venues. If you’re looking for function rooms in Melbourne then look no further than the Colonial Hotel.

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Colonial Hotel (Brown Alley) Review

Review By Matilda Mornane

The Colonial is an absolute hotspot for Melbourne partygoers on a Saturday night.

Not only is it a club, The Colonial sits neatly in all categories ranging from bar, to restaurant, to venue space you can hire for all sorts of parties. If you’re down for a night of dancing and drinking, then this is definitely the place to go.

Walking through The Colonial, you can see how easy it would be to get lost here. The music is loud and it has that dark, crowded atmosphere characteristic of most popular venues, and it seems to have doors and stairs leading every way possible, into yet another room of happy people and a whole lot of noise.

Down a narrow, spiral staircase (which is, in all honesty, a bit questionable if you’re going to create a place for people to get drunk in), is the band room, also called Brown Alley, where they host events and musical acts, and will sell you a mini-bucket full of god-knows-what alcohol for $10, or a schooner for $7.50.

The average age group present appeared to be around the 18 to 25 year old mark, unsurprisingly though, due to the event that was happening on the night. Despite the younger age group, however, the vibe of The Colonial is an exciting, albeit crowded, one.

The music is a mix of older, popular songs – you may find yourself dancing to Gold Digger by Kanye West – and newer, less popular ones – no Ke$ha please – but there’s a little for everyone, and there’s no shortage of sing-a-long, dance numbers.

If you’re looking for a place to go, for a great Saturday night out, then head to The Colonial. In fact, if you’re looking for a place to party, a cool space to host a function, or even a restaurant to sit down and have a nice meal, then The Colonial is where you want to be.

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A 2nd Colonial Hotel Review

Review By Beth Tyler

Thursday nights, or ‘Uni night’ as we like to call it, is the time for a BIG evening. Put down the books, turn off the computer and grab your IDs and wallets because if ‘Big’ is what you’re after, then Lonsdale Street has it. With three different themed function rooms, The Colonial Hotel is the only place where you can get the ‘Around the World in 80 Days’ experience in just one night.

On a Thursday evening, the three separate levels of the Colonial Hotel merge together to become an event known only as ‘Next’. I guess the name is befits the club as once you’ve had enough of one music style, “NEXT!” Is really all you need to say before heading upstairs or downstairs to a different one.

An eclectic scene of metal, punk, RnB, retro, hardcore, Indie and hip hop is what you’ll find behind each door, the only question is, what are you in the mood for?Downstairs is your Punk/Hardcore room, and this is where you’ll find the band. Rock chicks and metal dudes rocking out on stage, followed by the greatest hits of Blink 182, Greenday, the Living End and if you’re lucky, even some Katy Perry blasting from the enormous, and slightly sinister-looking speakers. The cameraman hangs out down here too, poised and ready to snap pics of you and your mates and allow you to cringe at them the next morning on their website.

Once you’re done marching along to the Black Parade, a short trip up the epic spiral staircase will lead you into the Metal room. A personal favourite of mine, with its couches, bar, dance floor and most importantly the DJ, spinning out the anthems of Rock Gods. Ramstein, Korn, Limp Bizkit, Marilyn Manson, Lamb of God and In Flames are just some of the legends that the guys and girls will be head banging to, dancing to, and singing-or in some cases screaming-along to. When you’ve downed your pot, another journey awaits you as you venture up the rest of the infamous staircase, in which more people fall up than down. The only advice I can give is to be ready to catch the girls as their impossible high heels are simply no match for the awesome power of the staircase.

When you get to the top, this means you’ve landed yourself in the RnB/Party room. This room seems another world of its own compared to the rest of the club somehow, a long, rectangular room with the bar at one end, and the DJ at the other. The windows along the walls reiterate the vertigo of being so far above the rest of Melbourne, and a sense of omniscience develops.

In keeping with the travel theme, if you look to your left you can see the graceful females in their sequined-skirts dancing, and to the right the majestic males in their brightly coloured shirts shuffling. If you listen closely you can hear the radio hits from today and the Golden Oldies from the 80’s coming from the DJ booth, in which the Disc Jockey can be found spinning hits and awaiting requests. Each room has its own unique charm, whether that be the energy of the Punk room, the power of the Metal room or the chill of the RnB room, they all have their doors wide open to anyone no matter what their music preference or dress sense is. And conveniently, each room comes fully equipped with its own set of drink specials.

Thankyou Ladies and Gentleman this concludes today’s tour, and I invite all of you go and experience Next at the Colonial Hotel on Thursday nights. Take advantage of the killer drink specials, the live bands and a smorgasbord of music. With a collection of teens from the different social cliques drinking beers together, doing shots, dancing, head banging and singing all under the one roof, Next really encapsulates what Melbourne is all about, diversity and collaboration.

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A 3rd Colonial Hotel Review

Review By Kat Pollard

To the promoters and hosts of this little gem, Rats! is a very unappealing name to call a weekly event night. To the Melbourne clubber’s out there, never let a bad name put you off from experiencing a one of a kind disco inferno.

The Colonial Hotel has long been a highlight to the nightlife of burn city, hosting many popular nights over the years, Rats! Being no different. If you somehow manage to make it up the huge flights of stairs without falling over, or getting squashed by some over excited teen then I’ll give you a medal. The enthusiasm doesn’t stop at the stairs, no, it oozes into all three rooms of this venue.

Upon first entering you’ll meet a T section, proving vital to the enjoyment of one’s evening. If you turn right prepare to be sucked into a mosh of crazy party goers all jamming to a mix of hip hop mashups and pop tunes. Once you get thrown out the over side you’ll realize you are in the outdoor smoking area. It’s the perfect spot to enjoy the music , have a seat, have a beer and no doubt a useless chat about life with a kid who’s pupil s compete with the size of the moon.

If that Goosebump book ending wasn’t quite what you wanted then turn back a page and turn left, where you’ll crip walk your way across the tiny room enjoying the latest in rap and hip hop tunes. Break to the beats of push through and enjoy the electronic stylings of the latest indie DJ, putting together a clash of newies, oldies and topping of the whole lot with some serious head banger dubstep and drum and bass. My personal favorite room, mainly due to the spaciousness, ample couches and idiots dancing on stage pretending to be the next Lady Gaga. You never know what tunes they’ll serve up in this room or what disastrous drunk mishaps you’ll get to witness.

Like any good reviewer I’ll give you a few little tips to make sure the evening is complete. If you plan to enjoy the super styling’s of Rats! There’s a few things to consider. Firstly be prepared to have a big one, drinks are pub prices. Beer on tap, drink specials and reasonably priced spirits, all ingredients for disaster. Which leads me to my second point, toilet space for ladies is three toilets for the whole venue. Be prepared to line up and endure pointless conversations with randoms. And lastly if you want to even get in, make sure you pull out some vintage digs, we’re talking anything from 90s varsity jackets, to lace blouses and bowties. This is not a venue marketing themselves on commercial appeal, they prefer maintaining a slight edge to the patrons they let in.

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