Cloud Nine Review

Review by Lucy O’Rourke

If the length of the line outside King Street’s Cloud Nine is anything to go by, the night that awaits is sure to be sweaty, silly and maybe even a little slutty. Girls in flat shoes and high waisted shorts stand shivering for hours in line for the bouncer to nod his head and let them begin the climb up the dark stairwell, pulsating with the vibrations of the latest chart toppers.

Boys be warned; the girls might be able to rock the casual day wear inside the three levels and rooftop of technicoloured lights, but show up wearing fancy shoes or a business shirt and the bouncer will send you back into the heart of Melbourne’s city. Class isn’t the goal here folks; we have no room for your Hugo Boss clad behind.

Without knowing the name of somebody who has a list at the door (which is only valid if you enter before midnight – I know, my 12:07am entering self is pissed too), $20 seems like a waste of what could have been four Vodka shots. However, once you’ve reached the rooftop, the fourth level of the busy nightclub, it feels as though you’ve been to four different places in the one night. Five bucks has to be the cheapest entry fee around.

Each level of Cloud (as it has been affectionately dubbed by frequent visitors) has its own customary layout and bar – you can channel Goldilocks and find the one that’s just right for you, or if you’re more like me, you can change up the scenery every half hour or so as to keep the night alive.

With each new level brings a change of music. Level one provides a more intimate setting, with a small dance stage and bar to get the juices flowing and the body ready for the population of a small country jumping to the tunes of a DJ upstairs. A variety of rotating acts keeps the under 21 crowd continuously coming back for more, the ringing of dirty beats and remixes of everybody’s favourites acting like a flame to a moth.

The sign of a good nightclub is in its ability to make you sweat. Girls, if you want to make it last, make sure the foundation is thick. Once you’ve been inside the club’s second level for longer than two minutes, memories of your chattering teeth in the line outside have been replaced by a present feeling of gratitude to your former self for choosing to keep the clothing to a minimum.

A discernible difference to many of Melbourne’s other nightlife scenes, is the ease in which one is able to buy a drink at Cloud Nine. Forget trying to squeeze your way through bony shoulders and the rich scent of those many males who haven’t been taught the wonders of cologne, every bar in the place is largely free all evening. Of course there is a price to pay for easy access, and that price is $14 for a Double Black, a drink that I usually can get for $7 at other venues.

If you’re old enough to be out of school, but young enough to still scab some money from mum or dad for the steep drink prices, don’t miss out on the four levels of fun conveniently located next to Southern Cross Station. Head down to Cloud Nine on a Saturday night.

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