Most of us can relate to that feeling of being drunk; that giddy intoxication that starts to lower our inhibitions and self-control as we stumble around either laughing our heads off or sobbing our hearts out (or both!). Most of us can literally feel the fuzziness wrapping our brains in cotton wool as the alcohol seeps into our bloodstream and starts to work its magic, bringing out both the best and worst in us depending on our moods and personalities. I have always found it interesting to observe the way alcohol can affect different people, so I’ve devised a list of ten different drunks that I’ve encountered whenever I’ve gone out.
1. The Happy Drunk
This is literally the best type of drunk you can be; the alcohol loosens you up and all the tension seems to just disappear out of your system as the exhilaration and pure joy kicks in instead. Everything makes you happy; the alcohol you’re currently ingesting, the people you’re hanging out with, the outfit you’re wearing that day, the venue or awesome house party you’re at, even your friend’s mum’s pot plant that’s just chilling at the corner of his lounge room makes you smile. Life is just awesome and you’re on this high plane that nobody can ever get you down from, and sometimes this exhilaration can be so overpowering that the only way you can release it is to just laugh your head off at pretty much anything that’s happening in front of you, because you’re just that damn happy and everything is hilarious.
2. The Lovable Drunk
So you’re just feeling so happy and elated that you start to love absolutely everybody around you, because they’re making you feel amazing just by being near you. Friends, enemies, strangers, your friend’s goldfish – it doesn’t matter because boundaries start to disappear since you’ve just got to share that intense feeling of love that is blossoming in your heart. You feel the need to sing Whitney Houston’s ‘I Will Always Love You’ to anybody and everybody, and you might even serenade them just to add that cherry on top of the love. Peace and love guys, peace and love.
3. The Sleazy Drunk
Uh oh, here comes the horny urges and raging hormones – the alcohol amplifies those feelings and lowers your consideration for social barriers as the animal in you starts to take over instead. There’s no such thing as subtlety here – you’ve got to be in it to win it, and usually you’ll usually get your own way depending on whether the other person is also intoxicated or just down for a good time. The other alternative is that you will get slapped across the face for being a sleazebag, and usually you wouldn’t care too much because there are plenty of other fish out there to pounce on.
4. The Sad Drunk
Now you’re moping around feeling sad and sorry for yourself because everything in your life sucks and absolutely everybody has to know about it. This sort of drunk is usually a downer towards other people, since they bombard them with their emotional woes and absolutely thrive off the attention that they get from everybody. The alcohol usually intensifies those negative feelings so that everything makes them sad and morose, whether it’s the lack of alcohol or the weather or anything at all. The sad drunk is just like the happy drunk, but with the complete opposite effect. If you happen to encounter a sad drunk, don’t give them too much attention – it’ll just worsen their gloomy state and they need to snap out of it.
5. The Angry Drunk
The angry drunk is one of the worst drunks that has ever existed. This is the sort of drunk that can be provoked by absolutely anything that’s happening in front of them, or nothing at all. It could be a bad thought or a wrong impression of somebody that adds fuel to the fire and then bam! the volcano erupts. The littlest and most insignificant things can tick off an angry drunk, and they’ll see red even if nobody is waving a red flag at them. If you tend to be an angry drunk, I advise that you limit your alcohol consumption or don’t drink at all; you’ll have a way better time and so will the people around you.
6. The Violent Drunk
This is the worst sub category of the angry drunk because they’ll actually put their anger into action by starting a brawl with whoever made them angry in the first place. The last thing you need at any party or gathering is a full-blown fist fight (or worse!), because people can get severely injured and nobody deserves that. The worst part about being a violent drunk is the part when you sober up and reality hits you; all that fiery rage caused you to physically lash out and the repercussions can be enormous as a result. Then comes the guilt, disgust, shame or in some people, pride because they’re apparently ‘tough’ enough to hammer in some heads. Violent drunks shouldn’t drink at all or if they’re generally a violent person that flourishes at the prospect of a fight, don’t invite them to your party.
7. The Smartass Drunk
Ah, the smartass drunk. The one who already has a big ego and the alcohol supersizes it to the extreme. Sometimes this sort of person can be funny to witness in action if they’re just mucking around with people, but their words can also hurt people if they get too carried away and don’t realize the damage they’re doing. The smartass drunk can ruin their friendships and relationships because the alcohol lowers their social niceties, which means that others will usually cop an earful of what that drunk really thinks of them. Most people want to knock the smartass drunk out completely, and sometimes they deserve it as well.
8. The Daring Drunk
Now the daring drunk is the one you have to watch out for. The alcohol usually causes their adrenaline to hit the roof, and as a result they think they’re invincible and that nothing can hold them back. Whether they try to skydive from your roof, or light your whole house on fire – either way you have to remove any dangerous objects that might be around them, or keep them away from any hazards. You’ve got to treat them as though they’re a child who doesn’t know any better, and trust me: they’ll thank you for it when they sober up.
9. The Gullible Drunk
The gullible drunk is a real crack-up because their ability to sense sarcasm and figure out the difference between reality and fantasy has become blurred from their alcohol consumption. You can throw the good old ‘gullible rhymes with oranges’ joke at them and they will spend ages trying to piece the two words together and get confused as to why they’re not rhyming. You can tell them that aliens have invaded the earth, and they’ll just stare at you wide-eyed with confusion and apprehension. Try not to scare them too much though; stick to funny jokes so that everybody can have a laugh, including the gullible drunk once they realise they’ve been pranked.
10. The Dopey/Sleepy Drunk
Last but not least, there is the dopey/sleepy drunk. These are the stoned looking drunks that can barely string together a sentence of words, let alone walk straight in a line. Since alcohol is a depressant, it can cause fatigue and drowsiness and when it’s consumed excessively, it’ll usually send you straight into a dreamless slumber because your brain is too tired to conjure any dreams. Sometimes you’ll see the dopey/sleepy drunk staring aimlessly in a nightclub or bar, since they’re half-asleep but can’t conk out completely because of the loud music. They might already be passed out somewhere, and that’s when you need to be the responsible one and make sure that they’re okay and at least sleeping in a safe area (preferably in a quiet room somewhere at your house or theirs). Time for them to call it a night!