“ummmmm, I’m probably definitly a fun drunk. Or like a crazy, sexy-funny drunk.” Who are we trying to kid? Nobody is like that when they are drunk, everybody turns into a loud, clumsy singer who cannot grasp the concept of personal space when they get on the booze. Really, if I was a fun-crazy-sexy-funny-I-live-in-cabo-and-am-like-totesamaze, I would be drunk all of the time. But I’m not, I’m a dependent drunk. Life’s unfair.
The aggressive drunk
Aggressive drunks have tendencies to pick fights with just about everything around them, including rubbish bins, parked cars and public transport employees, but also find a plethora of otherwise commonplace comments offensive. Example:
“Dude that burger looks good,”
“Yeah it is good, DO YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH THAT? WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE UP THAT ISSUE WITH ME? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?”
Often douchebag guys and jealous boyfriends are associated with the aggressive drunk category, however, other typical aggressive drunks include outspoken girls (often with feminist views), and skinny, insecure guys looking for an outlet for their pent up frustration.
The emotional drunk.
Drinks get spilled and so do tears. If you cry/weep/sook/confess deep emotional issues/suffer from panic and anxiety attacks when intoxicated you are an emotional drunk and you need to accept this. Instead of enjoying themselves, emotional drunks often end up in the bathroom attempting to maintain a meaningful conversation with an obligated friend at parties/nightclubs. Sorry, emotional drunks, but you are annoying and no fun. Don’t drink. Or go and cry to someone who is already not having fun.
The sleazy Drunk.
Sleazy drunks are pretty much exclusively male because, lets face it, who doesn’t love an obliging and ‘friendly’ drunk female? Sleazy drunks feel that when there is alcohol involved, everybody will appreciate and welcome some stranger lovin, even if they are clearly in a committed relationship. Sleazy drunk is often the prelude to aggressive drunk.
The affectionate drunk.
This breed of drunks suffer a phenomenon where all accessible adjectives in their vocabulary become total, utter, exaggerated, complimentary bull. Affectionate drunks should not be taken seriously, however do offer an abundance of ego boosting flattery and entertainment.
The dependent drunk
The friend who should not drink. Dependent drunks are individuals who require supervision from a less drunk friend in order to prevent them from passing out/getting naked/kissing some gross, sweaty person who you all know and it will be really awkward next time you see them. Characteristically, dependent drunks often try to deny their condition which leads to more severe consequences.
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