Alcohol, your real life ‘get out of jail free’ card. What a blessing it is to be able to act on whatever stupid or socially unacceptable whim that comes into your mind and be happily ignorant of any impending consequences. The Mecca of such activities, bars and nightclubs, when you think about it, really are social ‘grey areas’ when it comes to normally questionable behavior. Although not everything can be blamed on the a a a alcohol, here is a list of offences insured by the ignorant and optimistic confusion caused when drinking
1. Dancing inappropriately at inappropriate times with inappropriate people.
For instance, you and your friend dirty dancing to a buskers melancholy guitar solo and then imploring an anonymous, sober by passer to join you before sandwiching him between you. It’s happened before and believe you me it is going to happen again. Or, tearing up the d-floor with someone else’s children your boyfriends sister is supposed to be babysitting, while you are in your underwear. Wow. Totally inappropriate right?
Wrong. Totally understandable because you were wasted at the time. Phew.
2. Not having something nice to say, but saying it anyway.
“I wonder why your friends let you buy that dress? And then wear it tonight? Your friends aren’t very considerate, you poor thing.”
“Hey, I have to tell you something, your really full of yourself, okay? Like really full of it. Just so you know.”
“Man your mum is so hot. Like the definition of MILF, did you know that? That your mum is a frikken fox man. What happened to you?”
Normally yes, these comments would pertain to the ‘rude and insensitive’ category and, although perhaps valid, are probably best kept to yourself. But not when your drunk, oh incomprehensible drunken banter, you are so funny, how could anybody find you offensive?
3. Reporting the findings of your extensive Facebook stalking to your subjects.
Like, “hey I know you! Your that girl who works at the supermarket and always has the funny check ins and Bobby took you to his formal…I really liked your dress!”
You just died 1000 deaths, didn’t you? That’s because you’re sober. There is no need for embarrassment when you are drunk, comments like this are insured by your drunkenness.
4. Scabbing things off people you don’t know.
Asking strangers for money/food/cigarettes = very tempting in real life, but a definite no-no. But everybody knows that when your drunk everybody is your best friend! And of course you would have no qualms asking your best friend to help you out when you are in need, like when you really, really need a meat pie from 7-11 after going hard out at the club. That’s what friends are for.
5. Assuming every nightclub and cab has a complementary iPhone charger and then getting upset when you are told it doesn’t.
/ getting excited when the cab does have one and getting teary because you are so grateful.
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