Lesson number one: THERE ARE NO ‘BAD KISSERS.’ Before you may travel the enlightened path of hooking up you must first learn and accept this noble truth. Someone once told me, “there are no bad kissers, only incompatible ones.”
This may seem like an optimistic and naive, even ill-informed, statement but let me assure you the person who told me this has kissed enough people of both genders to be considered a very credible source. (Also you should trust me by now, we’ve known each other for a long time. I thought we were cool like that.) Fundamentally, there is no universal ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to kiss, it’s not like there are moral or immoral kissers, bad kissing is not a fatal disease you can never recover from . It comes down to what you know and what you like and how well the other person can cater to you. Thus, inexperience and not being able to read your mind should not warrant you considering this person a total write off after the first kiss.
KNOW WHEN TO HOLD, AND WHEN TO FOLD
While it is true that no kisser is so flawed and no technique so corrupt that it cannot be treated, you have to assess whether the subject is worth your time and effort. If they are cute, nice and funny and brought you a drink and you think that their other qualities are worth the your trouble, stick around. Incompatible kissing shouldn’t be a deal breaker for an otherwise total catch. However, if this person was just a persistent motherfucker who you don’t even like the look of and would just not leave you alone and then attached themselves to your face, leave it alone. More fish in the sea amigo.
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ‘BAD KISSING’ AND JUST ‘BAD’
For example, bad breath is not a component of bad kissing, it represents bad hygiene. Refusing to stop even though you try and get away from them, similarly, is not bad kissing. I’m going to go ahead and say thats borderline assault.
GET INVOLVED
Kissing is a two man job (ooops! Discriminatory language alert, two person job, sawz). If your tongue tango partner is kissing like they are on a solo mission which is turning into inadvertent face rape, stop acting like a victim and take the reins! You set the pace. If they don’t get the hint pull away and start again.
CHILL THE FUCK OUT
Stop worrying about the other person, or hurting their feelings or being polite. Seriously. Because a) you are probably both drunk and are thus ignorant to such social behaviour cues, b) you aren’t going to hurt their feelings that much because you are still making out with them, and c) when you enjoy yourself, the other person is going to enjoy themselves. Trust me.
P.S You’re welcome
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