As much as it pains me, I have to admit the fact that there is actually a legit reason to dislike Melbourne. There’s just one reason, but it is a big, fat, stupid one and we all have to deal with it…The boy/girl ratio at clubs.The fact that most of our nightclubs are unscrupulous and pretentious about turning away good lads without ladies has not eluded us.
We are aware of it and we know that it sucks. I bet you’re like “pfffftt what do girls know?”, but I have a boyfriend, and thus I have 5 other of his friends, to account for. So that pretty much means whenever we want to go out and the guys fail to snag some tail to ensure their entry for the evening, they look to my friends to accompany them. You gotta have some serious organisational skills for this stuff. And a 1:1 is even sometimes not enough! Unless there is a generous amount of legs and boobs on the menu, an even ratio is questionable.
Melbourne clubbing must be for singles then - well no, not unless you like girls or are prepared to compete in a round robin for one of the three guys they actually did let into the club.
Clubbers from abroad, my sincere apologies. You must think Australia is the most discriminatory country ever, but there is method in this sexist madness. Firstly, nobody likes a sausage fest. Boys don’t really dance with other boys and thats because getting up close and personal with everybody on the D-floor aint really appealing unless there is some superordinate goal to achieve, ie scoring big. Secondly, a nightclub is actually a place of business and is required to meet profit targets. Simple math tells us, the more girls = the more potential drinks purchased by hopeful suitors. Thirdly, girls rule and boys drool.
The moral of this story is, if you plan to come to Melbourne, and you got 99 problems but a bitch aint one, you should probably trade at least three of those problems for bitches. Or stay home and play Xbox.
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