As I write this, I type with the knowledge that what I am about to say will probably cause some very outraged and concerned mothers and probably some radical conservatist religious groups to track me down and come knocking at my door, but as long as it’s the truth and nobody knows my address, it needs to be said.
Dressing to a 55/45 hooker to normal person ratio will do you wonders at a nightclub, especially if there are a few of you.
And yes, from time to time I may wear outfits that warrant a few apprehensive looks from people who I unfortunately encounter when I go to the supermarket to buy mixers for my drinks. I apologize; the excessive exposure of my midriff/cleavage/legs was not intended for you.
But apart from shoppers, who would complain about a bit of boobie and lots of leg in line for da club? Particularly when it’s a 28-year-olds 36DD boobies and size 6 pins? Oh, this isn’t a rhetorical question, the answer is British people.
Yep, English mother of four Lisa Woodman has made headlines and even appeared on Australian Sunrise today because of her unpopular clubbing outfits. The poor dear has been banned from three nightclubs because of her “hoochie mama” get-up.
“I always like to look sexy when I go out on the town. I split up from my partner last year and I was really upset so I had a boob job in April and got into shape going to the gym and now I just want to flaunt what I’ve got,” Lisa told the daily mail.
You know what, she goes alright! Not my personal cup of tea but seriously, after enduring a boob job and dedicating herself to going to the gym and actually seeing her workouts through, this lady deserves to show off her good efforts. Moreover, she wasn’t just a before and after heffer who stopped binging and wanted to go out and show off their “new selves” by slutting it up - she had four kids! How do you surpass any less severe form of judgment and go straight to hoochie mama? This woman wasn’t even on laddette to lady… I think she deserves an impartial trial.
And you know what, yeah its actually a massive fucking pity that ‘if you’ve got it, flaunt it’ is not written in our constitution. Because if it were, then maybe some of the people attempting to flaunt what they clearly don’t have would feel compelled to think twice about their own wardrobe choices. Or at least refrain from judging everybody else.
Yes, bouncers, you do have the right to turn people away based on whatever reason you see fit, but since you are the authority we just have to hope you’re not total pricks, because you get paid to do that and you are much bigger than us mere mortals.
Everyone else, unless you are going to nightclubs in a hijab or a nuns habit, cease fire!
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