Um, so, I’ll be honest with you guys, had a pretty rough weekend. Got dumped. It was shit, but amidst all the tears and ice cream, I had an epiphany. I am now on the rebound. Fate has offered me a ‘proceed straight to GO, collect $200, and slut it up without any lasting consequences’ card. Guess I gotta play the hand I was dealt
So here’s the game plan for any other guys who wanna play too.
1. Be the guy her boyfriend never was.
Girls on the rebound are looking for someone to scratch all those little itches her guy never could. It’s like eating nothing but vanilla ice-cream for six months, could be your favourite flavour but after that long you are craving some change. Doesn’t really matter if you aren’t smart or especially smooth, if you wear appropriate shoes and buy her drinks, you are pretty much in my friend.
2. Be hotter than her ex.
Sorry, I know I’ve just asked you to be a mind reader/stalker/shapeshifter, but really if you can pull this off by any miracle its game, set, and match. You won’t have to do anything. Speaking is not even a necessity. Really, all freshly single girls really want is to make their ex jel and prove that they are better than him and he was punching grossly above his weight. Even if said boyfriend is not present, this rule applies. We have facebook and photo tagging and camera phones and snapchat now which provide a plethora of marketing opportunities, distance is no barrier.
I wish you luck
3. Put on the moves.
Oh my god how I long to be courted. The shittest thing about boyfriends is after a while they get too comfortable and forget they were ever smooth. Hello routine, goodbye spontaneity. The best thing about being single is flirting, the thrill of the chase and the excitement of the unknown. All a girl on the rebound needs, to put it frankly, is a little grease on the wheels, and she is going to purr. Also, don’t even think about pulling any Pick Up Artist Neil Strauss ‘negging’ moves. Seriously, I don’t care what you have read, do not try that shit. Your unidentified wingman has already done you the courtesy of breaking down her self esteem and leaving her vulnerable and ripe for the picking. Thank you karma, give to charity some time.
4. Don’t expect a call back.
If you are the attached and sentimental type, stay away. Look, you are probably a really great guy but lets be honest, this is going to be a hit and run.
Leave a Comment