Ah, the dance floor. A place where generations upon generations have put their dignity on the line in the hope that their quick step will score a glance, a score, or even a long life partner. But in a time where moves such as the sprinkler, the shopping cart, and the worm saturate bars and clubs across Australia, just how are we to gage how genuine our dance partners are?
At long last, after years of mistakenly choosing the wormer over the sprinkler (who were we kidding?), a comprehensive list of dance moves and ‘keep worthy’ statistics have been compiled for your nightclub pleasure.
So before you spend another night wondering whether you’re dancing with the wrong guy, read the following and never put a (dancing) foot wrong again.
The Shuffler
His dating patterns are just as predictable as his dance moves. You just can’t seem to put a number on just how many steps (or sluts) he’s got on the go at any given time. Keep clear, his fancy foot moves are just a tactic to stun his prey, leering them into a life of infidelity and disappointment.
The Pointer
He points his fingers in time with the music- at the lights, at the floor, at the window, and at you. He knows what he wants- he wants the lights switched off, an empty floor, no creeps at the window and you naked on the floor (specific huh?). He is one determined and goal orientated guy- happiness is sure to ensue so long as you follow the finger.
The Shrugger
Shrugging with the beat is one thing, but shrugging with your heart is another. He isn’t too sure what he wants- heck, he can’t even decide between a beer and a bourbon. One minute he’s shrugging towards you, and the next he’s shrugging towards her. Only one thing is sure in this sick, sad world- shrugging is never, ever sure.
The Hand-Holder
His fingers are glued to yours - you can feel every sweat, every pulse and every pinch. Even when you try another dance move, just to loosen the tie, he finds a way to keep his hold on you. Heaven forbid what would happen if you needed to pee. You’re shackled for life - till death do you part.
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