“Hi! This is reality calling. Just thought I’d let you know that train wreck your looking at is actually your Uni timetable. You don’t have Fridays off, you need to save your money to pay your car registration, you still haven’t done your tax return and your university doesn’t believe in public holidays. Don’t despair, Easter is on its way. Oh but hot cross buns will make you fat.
Also you have some food stuck in your teeth. That’s embarrassing.”
Is this how your week is going?
It must be the start of the university semester. And you know what that means, to start dusting off that thing you call your brain and start to take actual notice of those things you keep getting letters about, your responsible now.
If you’re short of breath right now and sweating profusely, you are probably experiencing a panic attack. Before you faint, just remember every cloud has its silver lining! And even though instead of being able to allocate an entire two days to recovering from your week long bender because of your actual schedule, it does not mean its all work and no play for you.
If I’ve learnt anything from university its that students love two things above all else, boat cruises and getting wasted. Just because you might have a 1000 word essay due in two weeks, it in no way shape or form should obstruct you from attending one of the many inaugural events and getting considerably trashed. If you’re a Monash student I’m fairly certain there is a book for purchase that outlines how to get an essay done the night before it’s due. Read between the lines and really, they’re saying “come to us for an extension hung over and if you tell a decent enough lie we’re going to give it to you.”
Another striking characteristic pertinent to university is that they are very big and lots of people attend them. People that you otherwise don’t know.
You + 2000 potential babes + (4 classes x 12 weeks) = good frikken odds of picking up.
One students week of tutes and lectures is another students speed dating service.
Go forth and prosper, future leaders of our nation. And remember, if you wear your sunglasses in lectures, nobody will be able to tell you are still a little bit drunk.
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