Uni is great for a plethora (that’s a uni word) of reasons. You can skip class and nobody really gives a shit, you can skip the whole year and nobody really gives a shit actually, there are usually on campus bars, and if your lecturer is a babe you can hit on them because you’re all of age. Why anybody would want to skip these wonder years of getting away with doing practically nothing and being expected to act angsty about it and going straight to 9-5 work is beyond my abilities of reason. Maybe there should be a course on it.
Another reason why uni is great is that, unlike schoolies, uni O-Week parties are accessible to everybody and you can attend undetected even if you are not actually a student. Nobody knows the age of anyone in their tutes anyway. As a matter of fact, O-Week students don’t actually know anything about uni including the fact that most of the people starting with you are not high school leavers but people who have been confused about their “life paths” for about 4 years and have finally settled on fulfilling an arts degree. HAHA. (I can laugh at that because my degree is practically an arts degree with a fancy name and we’re going down together).
So, creepers, tradies, and anybody else compelled to attend O-Week events without having a legitimate reason to be there, welcome! Here are some handy hits for you to help your student persona seem more believable.
- Don’t try hard at anything.
- Complain about how confusing enrollment is and mention how you’re still unsure what units you are actually in but you DGAF because YOLO.
- Drink everything but make sure it’s cheap. You have no money, remember?
- Get into whatever theme it is. Uni students love a good theme and you will too if you are a good uni student.
- Have an opinion about something. Make sure it’s only about one topic and is very specific and in depth and practice getting annoyed at people who oppose you even if they sound logical.
- Quickly listen to some indie bands. If in doubt mention alt-j.
- Forget you have a licence and know how to drive.
- If someone asks you what your major is, “I still haven’t decided” is an acceptable and normal answer. It’s probably more sus if you actually know.
EASY AS.
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