Bars are a dangerous place in both love, and in life. While many of us spend a night by the bar snacks covering our hearts with figurative bubble wrap while drowning our sorrows in peanut salt, the true dangers lie in physical, not emotional injuries.
The following 3 bar induced injuries are the most common among heartbroken herroins. It’s time to move that figurative bubble wrap off of your heart and on to your heels, because let’s face it, stiletto’s are a hell of a lot more painful than that douche who broke your heart.
1. The cigarette burn
There is nothing like the puff of a cigarette to drown your deepest sorrows in a cloud of cancer, whether you’re a smoker or not. Unfortunately, given the high intoxicated-to-sober ratio of many bars and nightclubs nationwide, an innocent puff can end in a life-long burn when the idiot next to you mistakes your hand for an ash tray while checking out the cleavage of the girl sitting a couple of seats down. In a crisis such as this, time is of the essence. Yes, you may have prime positioning near heating in the smokers room, but if you’re really honest with your drunk self, the rise in temperature really isn’t helping that burning sensation on your left hand. Head for the bathroom and flush the wound with cold water.
2. The stilleto stomp
You’ve just overcome the pain of your own two heels by drowning your dignity in another drink and hoping numbness with reach your 6-inch heels before the time comes to walk again when horror strikes. The skank in the kitten-heels decides your feet are a part of the floor board layout and uses your left foot as landing. While many may argue dignity as the best approach, given there is no immediate pain relief available for said wound, a scream and a slap is completely warrented. After making her feel like hell continue your conversation. “Now what where we talking about…?”
3. The infection ring
A trip to the bathroom at your given venue is inevitable when on the drink, and once the seal is broken, there’s no going back. While using the public amenities offered by said bar or nightclub is unavoidable, approach with an air of caution, and always line your seat with toilet paper provided. Not convinced? There’s no need you say? Look around at the fake tanned chavs surrounding you. Once you realise the brown colour scantily clad across the cubicle was indeed not a shade fake tan, you will realise the need for lining of the ‘infection ring’.
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