Have you ever wondered to yourself what type of music the most revered deity in Western culture would listen to. Rock, Pop, Rap/Hip hop, EDM…. Perhaps Jazz? Wonder no more people, we’ve done the research and have the answer for you…
So lets look at Jesus. He’s about 6 foot tall, long hair, skinny, white and if you look at Matthew 26:36-46 has a death wish. This is where we start our investigation and it would seem all but certain that the debate is over before it started… he’s a rocker for sure… But alas, if only it was that simple. Whilst he may maintain the appearance of a rocker, his teachings and overall divinity mean that any genre that encompasses hell, satanism, rascism et al (Maralyn Manson, Sex Pistols, Motorhead) can not possibly be genre he would follow.
Moving on, Electronic Dance Music perhaps… Well, the obvious objection to this is that there was no electricity, so NFW. But take a step back and consider how much of EDM actually requires electricity. Bass and snare, the staples of EDM… nope. High pitched, repetitious lyrics… sounds like church gospel to me… I think we are on a winner here. But again, the jury is in and it comes with the verdict that this too is unlikely, as EDM, synonymous with the chemical generation, is not something Jesus would indulge in given the churches stance on drugs (despite the fact they regularly serve wine to under 18′s each Sunday.)
So we move onto Hip Hop. Unlikely… Or is it? Lets take a look at the evidence. To start with, his full name is Jesus of Nazareth. OF NAZERETH!!! Here’s our first clue as it sounds to me he is reppin’ his hood. Delve deeper and anyone who didn’t fall asleep in Church would know that the majority of his life was spent with the 12 Apostles…
Apostles AKA Gang?
Surely Jesus wasn’t a Wigger from Nazareth was he?
To add to the body of evidence, he was betrayed by one of his gang members Judas, which ultimately ended in his death. One word for you… TUPAC!!!
Ladies and gentleman, Jesus is into Rap/Hip Hop, which explains exactly why at the Grammy’s you’ll see some guy with baggy jeans, Starter cap, excessive bling and a grill jump up on stage and thank God for winning the Grammy for best new track named “Fuck Yo Momma.”
3 Comments
Matt Wilson
LOL!!! Brilliant!
09 Jan 2020 05:01 pm (@Twitter)
Don
BS God and Jesus both listen to SLAYER
09 Jan 2020 07:01 pm (@Twitter)
Bars ‘n’ Nightclubs Editorial Team
Hahahahahaha… We’ll do an article on God next!!!
09 Jan 2020 09:01 pm (@Twitter)
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