The dictionary defines ‘chivalry’ as ‘a group of knights or gallant gentlemen’, but the swarm of guys behind me cuing up for another weekend bender seem to have a different idea. As the word that rhymes with ‘bunt’ appears two times per sentence, and that douche with the rat tail makes a sweet transition from shouting behind to shouting in front of you, it is only natural to begin to wonder - is chivalry dead? Or is it time to rewrite that dictionary definition?
When redefining a word that came to be before social clubbing even existed (yes, there was a time), there are many things one must take into consideration.
To help deem the definition ‘done’ before female expectations of the opposite sex are demolished (yet again) this weekend, the following list attempts to take what once was and add a grain of salt.
Returning the glass slipper
While these days the closest prized possession to a glass slipper for the average female is her glass screened iPhone- losing this gem can be just as distressing. It really isn’t too optimistic to expect the guy who found your phone to pick it up and knock on each and every door of the CBD to find you, and proclaim you his undying love, right? Wrong. Today’s chivalrous chav instead prefers to go through each and every female on your contact list in the hope of gaining some nookie from finding your glass slipper. Ah, romance.
The coat over puddle
Lining up for venues in the rain, has (and always will be) the bane of curly-haired females existence. The coat-over-puddle technique shows sacrifice for that special someone. Today’s knight prefers to run past ladies of the night, splashing sweethearts with gutter rain just to get free entry before cut off time.
A seat pulled out for the lady
Once upon a time, pulling out your lady’s seat was the perfect way to show just how much you were looking forward to seeing her ankle later that night. Today, when a female enters the seated area of a venue, pulling not the seat, but the lady onto your lap, it seems, is the perfect way to show just how much you are looking forward to banging her later tonight.
Ladies first
The age old saying ‘ladies first’ has no place in the modern world. Upon exiting venues it is now custom for the common female to be subject to yells from the opposite sex for getting a cab first. One can expect comparisons to a prostitute to be made if said female is successful in obtaining a cab before the male counterpart does. Oh, the passion of young love.
Before depressed realisation and a tub of ice-cream make their way into your lap tonight instead of the cute guy at the bar, remember: chivalry is not dead.
Chivalry just needs redefining in the clubbing world.
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The Redefining of Clubbing Chivalry « Scrap Paper Musings
[...] View the published article, as part of my Nightlife News Correspondent role for barsandnightclubs.com.au, here. [...]
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