Rocking the suburbs
Clubbing in the ‘burbs. I cant put my finger on what it is about clubs situated in locations outside the city and/or trendy outskirts of the CBD, but there is an alarming element of danger/distaste/distrust associated with actually going to these places. Perhaps it is due to the fact that when people get stabbed, assaulted or murdered at these places generally THE VICTIM AND/OR PERPERTRATOR IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW!?!?!!!!
I know they say every dog has its day, but suburban clubs just kind of skip the revered, venerated 15 minuets of fame most celebrities enjoy before taking their mandatory fall from grace and skip straight into the no-panties-getting-out-of-a-cab-plastered, pre rehab stage. You take their posters down from your bedroom wall and dissuade the younger generations from “following their disgraceful example” but you still keep and eye out for them in the tabloids. On the odd occasion you may even watch their movies, but by no means would you ‘promote’ your support or preference of that individual. Even though they are famous.
It’s just not socially, kosher.
Just like your not going to be the first to admit you are actually hanging out to go down to your local and get abominably wasted, “for the sake of it,” even if others are doing it, on the DL no doubt, because its frowned upon, (don’t think you’ve pulled the wool over anyone’s eyes! What other reason would you be going there?).
I think it is fair to say the whole concept of suburban nightclubs is wrong. Even considering their very appealing qualities, (for instance them often being situated in a convenient proximity to your home, thus enabling you to scab a lift, spend next to nothing on a cab fare or, in desperate times stumble all the way home, the really cheap drinks and entry ect ect), it’s no legit club.
No matter how hard you try.
No really.
Epitomising the metaphor “mutton dressed up as lamb” is the existence of the suburban nightclub. It’s a pub with the bar stools stacked up on the side so people don’t fall over and hurt themselves that eventually becomes a makeshift d-floor. Who are they trying to fool?
Not the locals apparently. Resident’s reviews of outer suburb clubs (found on http://www.maxmoose.com.au/review/rsa1422.htm) don’t really seem to scream enthusiasm,
“Don’t know why you’d go to 1422 anyway. Aside from being racist against all races, its the only place where the cost of entry is your dignity – Claire, Berwick.”
If you’re still not convinced…
“Went down to check out 1422 last night to see what it was about and well I walked up to the door and couldn’t bring myself to go in the place was dead and the music I heard wasn’t very appealing. I definitely wouldn’t recommend anyone go to this place - good time party boy, Berwick.”
You heard it from the good time party boy himself.
However, it is unfair to pick on these clubs because, granted, it is near impossible for some individuals to make the trek to the inner CBD every weekend to frequent a venue to host their Saturday nights.
So, in the spirit of non-discrimination and all that stuff you would never catch Blair Waldorf dead doing…There is a new club opening up in Narre warren (Melbourne). With its very own tattoo parlour.
I guess it will be easy for the census people. Now they can identify the locals by their new tramp stamps…
