An open letter…
To all women bouncers/door bitches/ ladies affiliated with the running of nightclubs,
Hi!
You may not know me because I am but one of the many patrons that attend your specific venue on any given night, I have nothing too distinct about me and we have never really had a memorable conversation, however I feel it is important for you to know that I do in fact remember you quite well! Actually, you could say the encounters we have had together have left me somewhat scarred.
Before I continue please, I mean no disrespect and in no way am I attempting to hate on you as your professional presence is integral to the efficient running of business, and what I’m about to say should not be taken personally…
My heart sinks a little every time I see that you are managing the door that evening. You are often very stern and in a very bad mood by the time it is my turn to get my I.D checked and you are often sceptical of my identity even though it really is me. Pinky swear!
I do need to remember that each time we meet I am usually not my rational, considerate and tolerant self and you have a job to do, but I can’t help feeling very intimidated by you and automatically get the vibe that you aren’t very happy to see me even though we have never met and I mean no harm. It seems as if you are disappointed to see me and need to discipline me in some way.
Perhaps it is not so much you, but the fact that I am accustomed to the treatment I receive from male bouncers. It’s not your fault that you already have your own set of boobs so when I, (or any other female with a slightly visible bust), come to a club you don’t automatically feel compelled to let a big group of us through to the VIP line. Or find our drunken banter slightly charming because we don’t notice you checking us out and discount our entry even though it is after 10:30. Or turn a blind eye to our underage friend because she is hot and is wearing a risqué outfit.
No, you didn’t choose to be born a heterosexual with a vagina and therefore exclude yourself from enjoying these female attributes as much as male bouncers do. I can empathise with you, I really can.
So what I am trying to suggest is maybe we both try to be more open and accepting of the other, and maybe it will make both our nights more enjoyable. Perhaps, if you just us gals a chance and not automatically assume we are drunken, blood sucking, gold digging, home wrecking, immature sluts, we would not automatically assume you are a cold hearted, old, bitter, sexually frustrated cow we could maybe all get along?
Because, well, after all, sisters are doin’ it for themselves and us girls should stick together!
If not, that’s cool. No hard feelings. Please just forget my name and let me slip quietly into the club because I don’t want to cause any trouble.
Thanks for the chat!
Regards,
Your friend,
Melissa xoxo
nice door bitch says:
Dear Melissa and friends
Let me say on the behalf of some of my sister bouncers, that we are more than happy to allow you and your girlfriends into the bar/club/venue, just behave yourselves.
Spitting, swearing and generally acting the cheap gutter slut does not win you any points or friends from those of us who grow tired of your behaviour every freaking night.
Little sweethearts who take about 4 drinks to turn into foul mouthed cheap prostitutes are usually treated with the contempt they deserve. Whatever your perogative is for the night is none of my business, but Im sure you do realise that the club/pub is not your personal space and treating other punters like shit is the surest way to come to my attention.
It would be nice that you and your friends come to terms with the fact that just because you and your pretentious friends have a pair of tits that it does not entitle you to a free ride through life. Do not assume that because I have a pair of tits that somehow that requires me to ‘go easy’ on you when you are acting the fool.
My perfect night would involve not having to stumble across one of your cheap friends giving blowjobs in the toilets, or vomitting on the floor or slapping some guy who just prefers women with a bit of class over you and your ladette friends.
And you might think that I am a cold hearted, bitter, sexually frustrated cow, but petal, Im a good looking cow and at the end of the night I have probably had half the male punters flirt with me, offer me drinks and their phone numbers.
It would be wrong of you to think there is any jealousy on my behalf, because a lot of us door bitches see you at your worst and treat you with either the pity or contempt that you deserve.
No hard feelings, I dont know your name and after our introductions I will promptly forget about you and your friends, except perhaps to make a mental note about keeping cheap, drunken and immature sluts out of the premises.
Thanks for the chat and please remember to act like civilised women when out on the turps. Then we can both have a good night.
Regards
The Nice Door Bitch
July 29th, 2011 at 12:51 am
admin says:
Dear Nice Door Bitch,
Valid argument, however I hope we do one day meet so me and my decent friends can prove it was only a few bad apples that spoiled the bunch,
Melissa
July 29th, 2011 at 3:01 am
Jessie says:
Dear So-Called Nice Door Bitch,
You are not so ‘nice’. Also you’re a door bitch, not a policeman. You are also not famous or important, hence your name door-BITCH.
Also people don’t hit on you cause your hot, they’re drunk and want to get into the club/bar behind your not-so-important person.
So next time you’re bitching a door just remember “I am not the ruler of the universe and no one likes me very much.”
Melissa you are a good apple.
Yours sincerely,
Jessie
Putting door bitches in their place since 2011
P.s It’s not healthy to harbor pity or contempt, it gives you wrinkles.
July 29th, 2011 at 9:33 am
admin says:
Your the best apple
July 31st, 2011 at 1:03 am