3 Things Men Hate About You

Although we like to think we’re angels and that no matter what we do, men will find us attractive, this is not true. Just like the male species, there are certain things girls do in nightclubs which men find a HUGE turnoff:

1. Shoes

Women love ‘em, and well men like the way they make our legs look. However, there are 2 big shoe mistakes women make when they’re out on the town: 1. Bitching to guys about how sore their feet are from wearing too-high-shoes all night. Carry Bradshaw and Posh Spice may be able to pull off wearing skyscrapers (even when going to the supermarket) but not all girls are this lucky. . I know that I can’t wear super high stilettos for longer than an hour; and I also know that men hate hearing about it – period. 2. Wearing shoes which they clearly can’t walk in.

Please girls, I know they looked hot when you were standing in front of the mirror at the shoe store, but if you can’t walk more than a hundred metres in them, don’t buy them and def don’t wear them out clubbing – it’s embarrassing (especially if you’re drunk and already a battling to stand up) which leads me to my next point…

2. Intoxication

Men either hate or love seeing girls drunk. If he’s a nice guy, looking for a nice girl then he will not find it attractive if you’re spewing on him or have your dress up around your shoulders. If he’s a sleazebag he’ll like the fact that you’re drunk so he can take advantage of you. Either way, it’s not a good idea.

Plus, you don’t wanna end up like this girl - it’s never a good look.

3. So do you wanna buy me a drink?

Men hate this sentence. And if they don’t, they should. I know it might sound like a contradiction to what I’ve written in the past about guys buying girls drinks, but let’s be clear. I’m all for a guy buying me a drink, but I would never ask. If a girl is genuinely interested in a guy, she won’t ask for a drink, she’ll wait until he offers. If a girl is feeling cheeky, stingy, and already a bit pissed, she’ll ask any guy who cracks onto her for a drink so she can get a freebie. Just abstain from asking girls, it only makes you look cheap.

5 Things I Hate About You

A few of my own

Writer: Guy

For: Guys

Picking up is an art and pick-up lines are your brushes and your penis is your bank account number when you cash the cheque you got for selling the artwork and the creepy guy who watches you from next door is the gallery curator and your vacuum is the janitor and… okay I’m done. In my opinion a pick-up line isn’t some seedy or witty remark you use to talk to a girl, it’s the first thing you say to a girl whom you intend to pick-up. Therefore, it is probably the most crucial part of picking-up and must be mastered before any attempt at girl chasing begins.

Don’t use stupid lines. They’re stupid. Seriously, cheesy lines don’t work. If you got up to a girl and say “Did, it hurt when you fell from heaven?” you’re going to fail. You wan’t to communicate some of your personality over to the lass. The only lines I would consider (but have never used) would be non-sexual funny lines.

This is my favourite pick-up line:

Me: “FAT PENGUIN!”

Girl: “What?!”

Me: “Sorry, I was just trying to think of something that would break the ice.”

Girl: “So where should we have sex?”

If you make fun of the whole system, the girl will respect it (any girl who doesn’t is probably an idiot and isn’t worth the time anyway). Aside from those pick-up lines though, stick to a general “Hey.” and then depending on your environmental conditions and how she responds - take it from there. By environmental conditions I mean, what’s happening at the time. If there is a creepy guy in a corduroy jacket busying himself in some girls business next to you, mention it to the girl and have a laugh about it.

You: “Hey, look at that creep, I bet you’re glad I’m not doing that to you!”

Girl: “So where should we have sex?”

Corduroy Jacket Guy: “Does my jacket smell like chloroform to you guys?”

Avoid:

You: “I love that dress! My mum has the same necklace.”

Girl: “Back the fuck up, cunt.”

Corduroy Jacket Guy: “Hey.”

Do this for shiggles:

You: “Dickheads say what.”

Girl: “What?”

You: “Haha, pwned you!”

Girl: “Are you gay?”

Corduroy Jacket Guy: “So where should we have sex?”

Pick up Lines - Opinions from Both Sides

Hey guys,

Here is a short video which will allow you to see what both guys, and girls think about pick up lines and there role in picking up!

PUL’s for the Girls!

While researching the topic of pick up lines for this blog, I found a lot of articles, forums and other blogs on lines for men, but hardly any for women to use on men. I think the reason for this is that there is a general consensus that if a girl approaches a guy and she’s fairly attractive and is not a complete moron then no matter what pick up line she uses, it’ll work (correct me if I’m wrong!) It also could be because, although women are now more confident and have more sexual equality than ever before, we still see pick up lines as a male thing. However – I did find some pick up lines which have been perfectly tailored for females to use:

Do you have a quarter? I told my ex boyfriend that I would call him when I found someone better.

Do these look real?

Aren’t you the guy who’s supposed to buy me drink (this is a great one; if he turns out to be a douche at least you’ll get a free drink out of it!)

The thing to remember with these PUL’s (that’s computer lingo for pick up lines) is to be yourself, make it funny, and don’t try any of these when you’re drunk. Even if the PUL is lame, you’ll get him laughing and he’ll be impressed that you had the balls to come up and use one on him.

So ladies, it being Friday and all, and assuming a lot of you will be hitting the town tonight, there’s no better time to try out some of these lines. Leave me a comment, I’d love to know the effect these pick up lines have on the opposite sex!

Did it Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?

Whether pick up lines actually work, has been a topic of debate for decades. In fact, the University of Chicago actually conducted a survey on this very subject. They found that no, there is no one such pick up line that has been proven to work; however, the most popular lines to pick-up women where the general “So what brings you here?” kind, and just a basic “hi”. An Edinburgh University-based team also did a survey on the way people reacted to what the Pom’s call ‘chat-up’ lines. They too found, women reacted better to humorous lines, or ones that made the guy seem like a “nice” guy. Unsurprisingly, the same study found that men thought pick up lines with sexual content would be the most favourable. To summarise, no matter what websites like pickuphelp.com say, there are no pick up lines which are guaranteed to work.

However, that does not stop males from spitting them out once they’ve had a few drinks at a bar or nightclub. Ladies, we’ve all heard at least one in our life – whether it’s been standing at the bar waiting to be served, or by that guy who’s been making eyes at you and has managed to corner you on the dance floor. I know I’ve heard a few through the years (I used to work in a nightclub!) Some are funny, some sweet, and some just downright dirty; so let’s take a look at some of the good the bad and the ugly…..

The Good

I’m like chocolate pudding. I look like crap, but I’m as sweet as can be.
I was blinded by your beauty, so I’m going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
Your parents are terrorists. (No they aren’t). Yes they are, they’re terrorists. (No they are not terrorists’) Then why are you the bomb?
You are so selfish. You have that body for your whole life and I just want it for one night!

The Bad

Can I have directions? (To where?) To your heart.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
What is a beautiful girl like you doing in a place like this?
Wow, are those real?
You know what would look god on you? Me.
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.

The Downright Ugly

Do you mind if I hang out here until its safe back where I farted.
If you were a booger I’d pick you first.
Did you fart? Because you just blew me away
If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
Do I know you from somewhere, because I don’t recognise you with your clothes on?
There must be a keg in your pants, cuz I want to tap that ass.

And of course the pickup line which began all pick up lines…Come here often?

More Technologies And How They’ve Changed the Dating Game

Cell phones: The advent of the first portable mobile phone in the 1970’s saw communication change dramatically. These portable devices themselves have also continued to change through the decades (remember when they were the size of bricks and didn’t have cameras??!!) No longer do you have to write letters or ring home phones to contact boys – hook-ups and dates can now be arranged any time of the day or night.

Instant messaging: Since I’ve already touched on how facebook has changed the dating game, I won’t go on about social networking sites. However, facebook does have instant messaging. Although this is a way to communicate, I don’t think this form of communication has considerably affected the way girls’ pick-up guys. While it was a craze a few years ago, it was quickly overshadowed by cooler ways of communicating like texting and facebook posts. The good thing about instant messaging is its cheaper than texting and you can contact boys who are overseas more easily. It can also be a great way to get to know somebody without that whole awkward first date dinner where you’re afraid you’re going to spill that spaghetti bolognaise you ordered all over you.

Check out this video - it only slightly touches on modern technologies and dating, but it has other facts about these technologies that are pretty amazing and will definately get you thinking!

Sextin’

Writer: Guy

For: Anyone who’ll listen

I thought it was about time to rant - after all, isn’t that the underlying purpose of a blog? Before informing and entertaining, blogs are just toilets for us to put our pet hates in without wiping.

So, Sexting. Why? Why are 16 year old girls so keen to go to town on themselves with an Impulse can? Why are they so keen to cave in to the pressure of their older boyfriends, believing their half hearted “oh babe, of course I won’t send this nude picture of you around to all of my mates…even if you fuck me over,”? How do people get so horny they think Sexting is a good idea?!

Common sense needs to prevail people! If your horny and you’re talking to a crush, masturbate with the camera off and turn the conversation back to sweeter subjects. Seriously, porn is an ample substitute for a naked girl trying to look sexy in a two minute video and what ever happened to having sex…for real? I can understand naughty texts getting you in the mood for when you see each other later, but getting your clunge out for someone who is probably going to see it in the flesh, bedazzles me.

Please, realise the importance of real life sex and to resist the urge of a very fake process in a relationship. While you work this out I’ll be learning about the many abstract uses of a cricket bat in a group of guys and one female after a night out at Liquids.

Modern Technologies and It’s Effects on Picking Up Guys in the 21st Century

In the film He’s Just Not That Into You, Drew Barrymore’s character Mary says “I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting!”

While she may have been embellishing quite a bit, we can’t escape the fact that all these new technologies have made dating and picking up more complicated.

Back in the good ol’ days when women stayed at home and men went out to bring home the bacon, there were only a few ways for couples, or prospective partners to communicate with each other – house phones, snail mail or face to face. Let me now count the ways in which people in the 21st century can communicate romantically: video calling, email, pager, social networking sites such as facebook and myspace, MSN instant messaging, mobile phone calls, texting and even using video gaming networks.

We may be under the illusion all this has made our lives (and yes, dating lives) easier. We may be able to communicate more rapidly, easily and with more people; but it has turned us into more anti-social (and sometimes even rude!) beings. Let’s take a look at a couple of these technologies and how they have affected the way we communicate romantically:

Video Calling: Skype, oovoo, snapyap and all other video calling technologies have actually made dating easier. New technological developments such as these have made the world metaphorically smaller; and this technology has now made it easier than ever to have long distance relationships. It is also easier to maintain relationships where you or your boyfriend travels a lot for work. Being able to see the other person has made our communications with loved ones kind of like a 3D experience. If you’re a little out of date with the latest communication technologies, click on the link below which will teache you how to make Skype calls :
 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWq7n4w3cq4

Texting: While mobile phones have made it easier to hook up with guys and arrange dates, there are also cons to this magnificent piece of technology. To me, this comes in the form of texting. I recently noticed that often when I go out with guys on dates, when we should be talking, we’re on our phones!

Have we become that inept from forming normal conversations for more that 10 minutes at a time? Or is it that we just can’t stay away from this technology which has become extremely addictive? It has also allowed men to be slack. I remember a few years back, guys used to call you to show they liked you, or to ask you out - now its all texting. These days a guy will only call you if he’s fallen for you, or unless he’s smitten and thinks he’s punching above his weight right from the start. My way of thinking is, if you don’t want to spend money calling me and all you’re willing to spend is the 25 cent it costs to send an sms, then you can take your mobile phone and shove it

Manectricity

Writer: Guy

For: Guys

A while ago a dude made a kite, connected it to his Xbox, went outside in a lightning storm and made electricity. A few years after that - after the half century ‘electric kite‘ craze - some scientists thought it would be a good idea to use this electricity to make machines to view porn. A few years after this blissful period, man realised they could use electricity to find real women as well as e-women. And so the act of sending pictures of your willy to girls was born.

Men, don’t act like you haven’t been curious at the power a camera attached to an electronic device can have when it comes to picking up. If you’ve got a big dong, send that shit to every girl around and your rep will sky-rocket. Unfortunately, your rep may also paint you as a creep and no doubt a colleague of your mum will want to show her a picture one day on their phone of some douche who got his wang out. Technology is dangerous.

Utilising technology in your punani plight is a difficult thing, we’ve all heard and seen the stories of girls sending their boyfriend a naughty picture, pissing him off and him sending them to all his mates who sends it to all of their mates and before you know it, an accidental porn star is made. If you happen to get the number of a lady you like, don’t ask for nudes! Texting is basically the same as talking in person except its a little more succinct and you’re tempted to say a little more than you would in person. Try and communicate your personality like you would in person and avoid the creepy stalker messages, don’t read into her not responding straight away and don’t over do winky faces!

When it comes to video calling and Skypeing with stranger whose personal space you hope to invade, the key is also to stay calm and not ask the girl to get her baps out. Video calling is a great way to get in touch with someone and plant some seeds for later but don’t live your life through it.

In the end, the best way to use technology is to use it in preparation, because there’s nothing like face to face contact.

A little video of me getting my wang out for a crush.