The protective sibling
There comes a day in each and every elder sibling’s life in which their younger brother or sister, the one they once tormented with such taunts as “you’re adopted”, comes of age and experiences clubbing. The unwritten rules of society state that it is during this period that the elder sibling must take on the role of ‘protective sibling’ in order to maintain some of their younger sibling’s innocence. It is here that the clubbing clique, ‘protective sibling’, more formally known as ‘psycho bitch’, is born.
Habitat: The protective sibling can smell sausage fests and vodka vowes a mile off. It is for this reason that this experienced stereotype abandons all embarrassment regarding the underage-esque clubs they must endure in their fight for sibling innocence. Whenever the teenage testosterone and frivolous youth of their sibling’s choice in venue gets a little too much, the protective sibling simply relies on their plethora of embarrassing childhood memories to get them through the night. Somehow imagining their little sister wet her pants on the first day of school has a calming affect on seeing her bump and grind poles and cages.
The protective sibling’s top 3 nightclubs:
- Seven nightclub, Melbourne,
- Marquee, Melbourne
-Revolver, Melbourne
Physical attributes: The protective sibling can often be hard to identify. Their somewhat youthful exterior creates an ability for them to disappear into the crowd. If you’re the pursuer of their young sis or bro’s desire have no fear. The real giveaway of this protective panther is their unique air of ‘pissed off’ which radiates throughout any venue with velocity. Don’t be fooled by their stylish exterior, if you see an evil eye in your peripheral vision, drop the fist pumping and step away slowly. Violence often ensues when the protective sibling is forced to watch the kid they once pushed down the stairs get groped by your sweaty hands.
The protective sibling’s top 3 trends:
- Stockings- years of experience on the clubbing scene has made the older sibling all the more wiser, and all the more intolerant of freezing their buttox off in the hopes of a booty call.
- Expensive-drink-in-hand- the protective sibling earns a lot more than their younger counterpart, and therefore can afford to get drunk with dignity. Purchasing expensive drinks also means that their rate of drinking comes to a halt sooner rather than later, and eyes can be kept peeled.
- Coats- The protective sibling’s years of experience in their own messy mayhem has taught them that there is no shame in using the coat room. The fact that they earn a few more dollars per hour than their sibling means that they can enjoy the finer things in life: like paying for someone to hang their coat up. Bliss.
Their goal: To stop any potential predators from taking their younger sibling home to “superman dat ho”.
How to fit in with the protective sibling: Discuss your appreciation for pre 2011 music. The protective sibling will be amazed by your deep thought processes in comparison to the dancing animals in cages.
How to avoid the protective sibling: Take their sibling back to your house and “superman dat ho”.
The protective sibling’s drink of choice: Anything shaken, not stirred. The sound of ice bashing against the mixer walls reminds them of the fate of their sibling’s new beau.
Sophie Lane
