Music to make lurve to
Music. It’s more essential to any club than the club itself. It’s what we dictate the dance to and tells us where to spend our night. Personally I’m a massive fan of dubstep, mainly because it reminds me of straining out a big AGB and who doesn’t like a good poop after a night out of drinking! Unfortunately for me, dubstep is not music to pick up people with vagina’s (for the opposite sex: people with pee pee penises). It’s a harsh sound that demands your attention, there is no time to go lady hunting while you’re trying to stop a stool from rushing out your brown sun. The following is a perfect example of what music you need to avoid to have any chance of getting with a lady.
Luckily, there is a whole bunch of genre’s that will increase your chances scoring and get you all pumped up for the night ahead. Music that the ladies seem to love and keeps everyone in high spirits is anything Top 40. They’ll deny it as much as they want but when the Gagmeister starts pumping on the speakers everyone will be telling you they were born that way. When the following song gets played in a club - get to the dance floor and start creeping. It may be your only shot. Also, if anything by Pitbull or Ja-ayson Der-rulo comes on you should instantly react and sing every single word and give fiercely sexual looks at every girl you see.
Electro is a difficult one, it’s fast and gets people moving - but offers little opportunity to sexy dance up on someone. You really have to focus on not looking like a tardburger so you have no time to court. My advice would be just to soak up the atmosphere get pumped and wait for the inevitable JAYsun De-e-e-rulo feat Lil John feat Pitbull feat Dave Guetta feat Chris Brown to come on.
Old school rap and r n b offers plenty of opportunity to sexy dance and impress the opposite sex with your knowledge of the lyrics and singing skills. Singing to Destiny’s Child will almost certainly get you laid. If you add in booty shaking - you’re headed straight to orgy town. Nelly is a great example. Sing grillz to a girl and she will be your boo for years to come.
80′s music is the ultimate music to improve your chances of picking up. The songs are full of hidden meaning, the theme is generally always love (or robots) and they are upbeat enough to dance to or slow enough to make frizzy haired love to. If a girl says no to you while this song is playing in the background, she doesn’t deserve you.
Music to Pick Up to
This may be slightly obvious but there are certain types of music that are better when trying to pick up members of the opposite sex. As mentioned in previous blog, romantic songs can increase a man’s chance of picking up a lady. Also mentioned in previous blog was that music probably does not help girls when it comes to picking up guys (male, as a rule, are simple creatures - he’s either into it or he’s not) Therefore I cannot comment on what kinds of music a girl could use to her advantage when trying to hook up; but I can however give my own opinions on what girls like; as I am of the female species.
Romantic songs – scientifically proven to be a winner with the women. Having said that, if I first meet a guy and he puts on Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing it may freak me out, because EVERYONE knows what THAT song means.
Crazy punk rock grunge music – put simply, this kind of music is only good if you’re trying to put the moves on a punk/rock/grungy head-banging kinda girl.
R&B – great for the dance floor. A lil bit of Usher and a bit of bump and grind and you’re on your way! Also great for the bedroom where you guys can show us what other moves you have.
Hip Hop – if you’re a good hip-hop dancer, you’re guaranteed to pick up in a club. In fact, I once saw a midget (sorry, I mean virtically-challenged) guy hip-hop dancing at a club and he had scores of ladies around him! Girls LOVE a guy who know how to dance, and hip-hop is the perfect genre of music to show off those moves.
Latin – it’s a win, win situation – if you’re Latin you’ll automatically be sexy and exotic; and if you’re not, she’ll still think you’re cultured and interesting (you get double points if you know the words!)
Music Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Music can do insane things - affect our moods; make us happy, sad, nostalgic, angry, and even pumped up – ready to take on the world! It can increase stamina when working out, improve the intelligence of unborn foetuses, and has been said to inspire criminals to commit acts of violence (not yet proven in a court of law). So if music can do all of that, then what affect could it have when trying to pick up a member of the opposite sex?
Well the Mail Online reckons a French study found that if you want to ask a women out on a date, she will be twice as likely to say yes if she’d listened to a romantic song five minutes prior to the invitation. So for all you boys out there who have your eye on somebody you’ve wanted to ask out, but haven’t had the guts to yet - simply add music and you’re twice as likely not to get rejected! Simple hey. Well not quiet; I mean this could be an issue if you’re in Church or doing your grocery shopping. However, these obstacles can be overcome by A. Hi-jacking the Church quire, B. a load speaker or C. Carrying a boom box around on your shoulder at all times.
Unfortunately girls, the effects romantic music has on men has not been as well researched. Yet. However, this smart psychologist dude – Adrian North – said that if you do decide to try this experiment on your own, all the men would probably say yes to a date. Therefore you should only ask out men whom you actually want to go out on date with – romantic music or not.
There is another school of thought that reckons guys who play instruments are considered to have more ‘pulling power’ than those that don’t; while women who play a musical instrument don’t – however that’s a topic for a whole other blog….
Below are some interesting articles on music and its affects on certain things in the body:
- Effects of music on mood during bench stepping exercise
- Maturation of Fetal Responses to Music
- Effect of Music Therapy on Mood and Social Interaction Among Individuals with Acute Traumatic Brain Injury and Stroke
Just Freakin’ Hilarious
Aahh, just some more hilarious dating disaster vid’s for your enjoyment
And the Disasters Continue….
I’m going to continue blogging about dating disasters; just because it’s a useful topic – well that and the stories of these dating disasters provides you guys (and myself) with endless hours of amusement.
Because it’s winter and these colder months tend to get people a bit down, I have researched some dating disasters and included some of the funniest (and utterly embarrassing for the persons involved) into this blog. Added to these stories are some of my opinions, and remarks - just for the hell of it. Enjoy!
I conducted my research from disastersofdating.com (wow, there have been so many disastrous dating occurrences, an entire website was created and dedicated to the subject!) The first story is from a girl - AlinkaMalnika - who says she went on a date with a guy who constantly asked her if she was “ok” throughout the entire date. Five minutes after dropping her at home, he smses her to tell her how much of a good time he had. later on he facebooks her , and the pestering continues until she tells him there was no mutual chemistry going on for her. And that’s where the story takes an even more bizarre turn. He tells her he’s got testicular cancer, and with only 6 months to live , is trying to find his soulmate. Wow talking about dropping a bomb! If what he said was true, it’s incredibly sad, if not the guy was a psycho and it should be a lesson to all men not to come on too strong too soon.
We all know religious differences are a sticky subject. But I bet this poor girl on datingdisasters.com didn’t expect this when she went on a first date! So this girl (who happens to be a Jewish lass from Israel) decides to meet up with this Palestinian guy who she’s been chatting with for about a week. They meet up for coffee and when he finds out she’s Jewish, preceeds to yell at her about how her people have killed heaps of his people etc. He continues to do this as she is walking away….all the way across the coffee shop…..Worst yet, he rang her a week later to ask for another date! Moral of the story is, if you’re a close-minded freak who can’t stand people of other religions, stay at home, and don’t leave the house, ever; otherwise learn that people are different and have different views, and respect that.
Another story from Alinkamalinka (damn this girl’s got bad luck with dating!) Apparently not scarred enough from her first dating encounter, she decides to meet up with this guy she met on an online dating site. She was 22 at the time and he said he was 31 - bit of an age gap, but love knows no bounds, right? The actual date went well and he was the perfect gentleman. Until the next day however when he rang and told her he was actually 33 and lied about his age to “attract 18 year-olds” to his online profile. He then preceed to tell her that he just wanted to, and I love this, “hit it and quit it” with her (ahhh how romantic). Shockingly he was surprised when she declined, and he continued to call and text her for the next 6 months, probably until he had found another young victim to harass. The thing is, age may just be a number, but online dating (as I’ve covered in a previous blog) is a risk – then again so is dating in general – good luck!
Some Advice from Gorgeous Greg!
And just incase you needed any more persuading NOT to involve food in a first date…….
First Date Disasters
So you meet a stud in a nightclub and give him your number; and he does actually call you! Not only that, but he wants to take you on a date - a first date. And this is where it gets complicated. It was all good and well when you were utterly intoxicated in the club, bumpin’ and grinding to Usher, but now you have to see him SOBER, and have to have a normal (akward!) conversation. So here are a few tips for avoiding any first date disasters.
According to a poll by Lovepanky, your first date location is likely be a coffe shop, regular hangout location or restaurant. This means there is a big chance food will be involved. Now I don’t know about you girls, but I develop anxiety just thinking about eating in front of a guy I like. I don’t know what it is, but for the first few weeks of a potential relationship I can’t bear to eat in front of a guy. This result is me eating very small portion sizes, chewing slowly and constantly wiping my mouth with a napkin. Great for the hips and thighs, not so great for my date who has to wait 2 hours for me to finish my meal! Now, I’m sure there are plenty of girls feel like me (or I tell myself this so as not to feel like a weirdo…) So what I suggest is, if you are going on a date which involves food 1. Order something easy to eat (NO spagetti bolognaise!!!!) 2. Don’t try to drown your nerves in too much red wine - this will only make eating even more of an experiement. And 3. Don’t grin like Crusty the Clown and ask your date “do I have something in my teeth?” (preserve this for at least the 7th or 8th date).
Another major issue with dates involving food, is the dreaded question of who should pay. Im slightly biased but I fully believe that the guy should ALWAYS pay on the first date (what can I say, Im old-fashioned!)This holds regardless of who made the invitation. I’m not alone though, according to an relationship expert from Match.com, going Dutch on the first date can put an end to a potential relationship.
To put an end to first date jitters and derail a potential disaster, I suggest you keep it informal - go for a coffee or a couple (yes, only a couple) of drinks at a bar. That way you won’t have to worry about getting spinach stuck in your teeth; or who will pay the bill - plus it’ll give you the chance to see if you want another date with him without having to sit through a whole meal!
And just incase you need any more reason to keep the first date away from food……
Be yourself. If, during your first encounter with him at 3am, after a few como’s, he’s told you he’s an adrenaline junkie; and to impress him, you’ve told him how much you love whitewater rafting and abseiling (even though your idea of being adventurous is using a public toilet) fess up before you see him again. After all, you want him to like you for you, plus you don’t wanna find yourself 40 000km above seas level skydiving cause he thought it would make an awesome first date!
Don’t rush in. There should be no references to marriage, babies and the like on a first date - this will freak him the fuck out! Keep the talk friendly and light - focus on finding out about each other.
I know we live in a digital age and it’s essential that we update our facebook statuses every 5 minutes, but please, keep communication with others to a minimum (unless you’re texting your friend to ring you and pretend she’s been in an accident in order to get you out of a horror date). Now, I don’t expect you to switch off your phones, but I’m sure your date wants to look at your face and not the back of your Blackberry (or iphone for you apple enthusiasts) for the entire date. It won’t kill you to keep your paws off your phone for an hour; and first impressions are extremely important - you don’t want him thinking you’re rude or socially inept.
“These Boots Were Made For Dancing”
Boots
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Like heels, different boots = different personalities. Thin, pointy-heeled, knee or thigh-high stiletto boots (otherwise known as FMB - Fuck Me Boots) = a girl who is confident and likes to be the centre of attention. As the name suggests, these ladies are also sexual creatures, looking for their next victim! (ok, that might be a slight embellishment, but there is some truth in what I say). Ankle boots are all the rage at the mo, so if you come across a lady wearing these, be sure that she is trendy and stylish. And a precautionary note to men out there -the only ladies who wear thigh-high red patent boots to a club, are ladies of the night….On the opposite end of the fashion scale is the good old uggie. A girl who wears ugg boots clubbing will generally be more of a hippy kind: easy-going, comfort-loving, and probably a bit more of a tomboy.
Crocs
Yes I know, they’re comfy and some of us (shamefully) own a pair that we wear only around the house. But boys beware, if you see a girl in a club wearing them, run the other way! Why? Because she’s either over 60, under 16 or… a serial killer.
Shoes
Shoes are a given for a night out (except for maybe The Shed). I’ve made it a point of mine to only wear shoes that I like and feel comfortable in before I head out and if somewhere doesn’t let me in then I don’t want to be a patron there. It works and generally keeps me out of places that use the carrots up their arse to make carrot-tini’s. Shoes can tell you a lot about a person and guys especially make a premeditated decision after they’ve put on their socks as to what will protect their feet that night.
Leather Pointy Sucka’s
These bad boys are a thorn in my side. I’m all for wearing them with a suit or form get up but sadly they are used solely for the purpose of getting into clubs that don’t allow shoes with laces, this means that our city streets are flooded with 18 year olds in t-shirts and jeans with the bottoms torn to shit. Unless they’re coupled with a suit, these shoes are worn purely as tools of clubbing and nothing else.
Vans, boat shoes etc.
These comfortable bastards come in various colours and styles and are the favourite of hipsters, skaters and normies alike. I usually don a pair of these when I go out (not in green) and find that the places that allow them are the places I want to be. A guy who wears these could be a little alternative for your liking but give him a go because he’ll save you money on a taxi and take you home on his skateboard!
Skate shoes
Where’s me fuckin’ moto, cunt?!
Those Thongs, Tha Thong Thong Thongs
For: Boyswho want to be able to tell a girl by her shoes!
Yes, my headline is my own genius take on the lyrics to Sisqo’s thong song. But no, I’m not talking about the dental-floss kind, but the footwear. They say you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear. Well, snigger all you like, but there is a degree of truth to this. But don’t take my word on it; read this article by Marie Claire Magazine, who got together a panel which consisted of a psychologist, a shoe ‘guru’ (not sure what being a shoe ‘guru’ entails, but it sounds important) and some random guys; all to discuss this very important topic.
This week I’m going to analyse different types of ladies footwear paraded in nightclubs around the world; and let you boys in on just what kind of girls wear them.
Thongs
When I say thongs, I don’t mean those pretty, bejeweled, sparkly things, I mean good old rubber Havi’s. A Women who wears this kind of footwear during a night out on the town is somebody who is comfortable, not just on the dance floor, but in herself. She’s the laid back kind of girl who doesn’t feel the need to impress anybody; and is just keen for a fun night out on the town (without those nasty blisters in the morning!)
Sandals
Now I’m talking about those pretty decorative thingys! These are basically sophisticated thongs. So the same basic personality traits apply to girls who wear thongs to nightclubs; but these girls are a bit more stylish. These are often girls who care about how they look but just can’t, or don’t do heels. Sensible but fashion-savy!
Stiletto’s
These girls are confident - even if they can’t walk in high heels, they’re game enough to give it a go. The heel alone tells a story: the thicker and squarer the heel, the more practical the girl. The thinner and pointier the heel (and more outrageous the colour), the more outgoing and adventurous the girl is likely to be. These girls tend to be more girly and are looking for male attention. They know exactly how their legs look in heels; and the fact that men prefer heels. Boys beware - these girls may be higher maintenance.
Ballet Flats
These girls are even more sensible than sandal girls. They are either reserved (don’t know why but this type of footwear reminds me of something a librarian would wear to a club (if librarians went clubbing!); or alternative girls (eg: vegans or artists, who like to wear those waist high skirts that puff out) These girls think that only barbie’s wear high-heels. They’re femine but shy. Definately intelligent though - how freakin sore it is when some bimbo in stilleto’s stands on your foot!
