Let’s pretend your night out is a winding road through an area you don’t know very well. Occasionally, street signs pop up telling you where you are and how fast you should be traveling. You ignore these signs though, because #yolo. Also you have iMaps. You think you know where you are, but it starts to get very dark and you’re getting awfully tired. Before you know it, you’re lost in the land of shame and regret, with no 3G connection or GPS signal to help you get home. You call someone you don’t know very well, crying, not making any sense. You somehow then wake up in your bed and it’s 3pm the next day. The last thing you remember is sobbing on a street corner.
Okay, so I lost the metaphor towards the end there… but my point is, there are certain signs that you’ll pass on a night out that you shouldn’t ignore. Unless you want to wind up sobbing on said street corner.
The ‘Slow Down’ Sign
Yes, pre drink. Always. But don’t have a whole bottle of cheap wine then jump straight into shots the moment you hit the bar. I always freak out on the journey from pre’s to the city because I’m convinced I’ll be sober by the time I get out. You’ve had a bottle of wine. You’ll be right for an hour, at least. If you go for it too hard too quick you’ll be out like a light by 10pm. When you get that itch to keep drinking, resist. Slow down. Besides, you can only hold so much liquid - best not to push bladder limits whilst intoxicated.
The ‘Pit Stop’ Sign
This is pretty self-explanatory. Boys, use a bathroom, not a street corner. Please. And girls, don’t say ‘Oh there’s a line, I’ll just wait till the next place’. The walk to the next place will be mighty uncomfortable and you’ll end up having to wait in another line once you’re there. It’s not worth the risk.
The ‘Road Works Ahead’ Sign
The difference between a good night and a bad night is often to do with the people you’re with. If you can sense a couple fight, a friendship feud or an awkward encounter coming your way, run. Run far away. You don’t want to get stuck in their traffic, take a detour. By all means give them a call in the morning, be a good friend - but you’re no use to anyone when you’re drunk. Trying to sort out relationshipy things never works when alcohol is involved, it always ends messy.
The ‘Slippery Road’ Sign
Just a quick shout out to my gurls. Heels and hills don’t mix. Distance and heels don’t mix. Rain and heels don’t mix. When you see rocky terrain coming your way, it’s better to take your shoes off and look momentarily trashy than it is to fall over and end up with a fractured wrist.
The ‘Give Way’ Sign
It’s okay to let other people pass you on the drink count. Trying to match your friend drink for drink won’t end pretty. You either win, and spew. Or you lose and feel sad. No one comes out a champ. As long as you’re at a point were you can giggle at anything and dance with anyone, you’re okay!
The ‘Stop’ Sign
Knowing when to stop is hard, especially because by the time you need to stop you’re actually incapable of making a conscious decision, let alone a good one. This is where friends come in handy. Listen to them when they push you towards a cab. The stop sign comes in many forms. These signs include, but are not limited to:
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