Now I’m sure y’all have heard that the megababestars of OMG Geordie Shore are coming to Australia to film the next season of the show. I am also sure following this information there has been some degree of fantasising about how you’re gonna be when you meet them at a club and how you might hook up with Gaz/Vicky and get the side of your face and probably your butt on MTV.
First of all, I love Gaz and, failing him and Charlotte realising that they are destined to be together 4eva and eva, if anybody is going to hook up with him it will be me. Secondly, no TV personalty is going to want to hook up with you when you’re being all star struck and awkward and uncomfortable etc etc because they are going to think you are weird.
True story; My sister saw Chris Lilley aka Jonah/Ja’mie King/Mr G from Summer Heights High at Lucky Coq on Chapel Street last Saturday and did all of the above weirdness. She pointed at him and then made someone go and ask Chris Lilley if he actually was himself and then went up to him and proceeded to ‘check him out’ (her own words) and not say anything until he said,”Hi, how are you?” and then she said,”Um I love you,” and continued to stare until dragged away.
So, let’s turn this social meltdown into a lesson and derive some preventative steps one can take to avoid looking like a groupie not doing their job properly.
- THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY
Even though you might be drunk and in normal circumstances any failure of social interaction at a club can be cured with “I was so wasted/it was dark”, you should probably try and imagine some reason to explain why you are imposing your presence on them. Even if it is simply that they are your favourite ever and you have a poster of them in your room and you can’t believe this is happening in real life wow you are so happy and did they know how great they are. This may seem lame and over done, but when is it ever not nice to receive a random confession of adoration? I’ll tell you when, never.
- DON’T BE SHOCKED WHEN THEY TURN OUT TO BE AN ARSEHOLE
Isn’t it a requirement of B/C/D grade celebs to be bitter and overly self important because of the fact that they aren’t really real life celebrities and no one wants to pay them to go to the Logies so people will watch it? I could be wrong but I think yes. So if they give you a great big ‘Fuck Off’ face try not to take it too personally and wait to cry until you get into a toilet cubicle. Also understand you are not the first person to have done this to them in the past hour. You might be annoying.
- DON’T POINT
That’s just rude.
- REMEMBER THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO, NOT CIRCUS ANIMALS
The deal with celebrities is similar to your primary school teachers in that they both have lives outside of your own that do not involve you. Remember when you saw a teacher at the supermarket and you were like “aw yeah teacher does outside things too”? This is the same. Although you may know this celebrity on a intimate level and have pictured your first meeting and how you will get along and are soul mates and so on, often the person of your fantasy is a made up character and thus has no real presence in your actual life. Don’t gawk.
- BE YOUR OWN CELEB
Cuz when you fab everybody wanna get around ya.
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