Is anybody having the same issue as me? I go to a club all like, “Hey yeah, cool, ready for a good time, had some pre-drinks, ready for a bit of a party.” Get inside, look around and think, “Hold up. Why did the bouncers let me in, I’m so wasted, I think I am in the ’90s.” And then I’m not wasted because I realise any self respecting, educated, sober person would easily mistake many a Melbourne club for the ’90s.
Okay backwards caps, okay sneakers, okay you are a 20-year-old male with a ponytail. These are things that are sometimes trendy and can be tolerated in small doses, but when did all these things collide and get teamed with backpacks and jumpers tied around the waist of your baggy jeans and become appropriate clubbing attire? I feel like Cher when she is at school trying to find an appropriate suitor for Ty and she muses over the hopelessness of this trend. Judging from modern day, perhaps no one has watched the movie Clueless, so let me break it down for you. The hot girl ends up with the older/genuine/semi dorky guy with a heart of gold who DRESSES LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.
Backpacks are a practical means of carrying awkward and heavy objects. You can not dance with a backpack on and if you do you look like an awkward and heavy object. There is no use for them at a club. Or if there is then you should probably invest some time in developing a more inconspicuous means of carrying whatever you are carrying because everyone knows what you’re up to. How many girls do you pick up with your backpack? Like, how effective is that in scoring you hits? Girls, I hope you do not go home with a boy wearing a backpack unless you know them personally. You do not know what is in there, it might not just be party favours, it could actually be an awkward and heavy object he plans to use as a weapon. I don’t know. It could happen.
Please wake up from your ’90s coma. The future of clubbing trends is looking very bleak.
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