Body language is such a trend, OMG. When did people start considering the way somebody stood as an indicator of how badly they want to jump their bones at that particular point in time? “Oooh, arms open, legs crossed and chest facing toward me. He/she is so hot for me right now, poor love must be trying his/her darndest to keep his/her clothes on.”
Jeez, Casanova, if someone was really that hell bent on doing it with you, don’t you think they’d relay that decision to you in a more obvious way instead of trying to subliminally transmit it to you through a method of communication that can only be properly understood by someone who has enough time on their hands to go out and get a book on this topic and forfeit other productive activities to read it in order to understand the gesture they are making?
You’re at a club, not a trivial information convention.
Maybe not. I’m not here to judge. And just in case this trend becomes as popular as its predecessor, the ass grab, I thought I’d better decode these cryptic limb messages so that nobody misses out on getting lucky
1. Arms crossed over chest means:
- I’m sober and I don’t want to be here. Leave me alone.
- Bitch, please.
- Are you for real?
- Fuck off.
2. Hand on hip means:
- People should be appreciating how smoking I look right now.
- I am posing for a photo right now so don’t interrupt if you want to have the slightest hope in hell with me.
3. Biting lip means:
- I hope you think I look as sexy as I am trying to be even if I actually look like I am just very drunk.
4. Leaning head on your shoulder means:
- I know you think you’re in, but actually there is a good chance that I am so very tired but am still aware it is socially unacceptable to lie down in public thus while I lean on you I am vertical enough to not warrant judgement. Also, you are not seedy and by leaning on your shoulder, demonstrating to other boys that I am ‘with you’, I am deterring unwanted sexual advances.
- I want to go to bed to sleep and not have sex.
5. Hand over mouth means:
a) When stationary: Oh. my. god.
b) In cab: I am going to vomit, pull over/open a window.
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