Ah yes… You’ve been out all night talking guff and trying not to wince every time you have to fork over $11 for a midi… Through some rare misaligning of stars and crypt-hidden wizard skulls, you’ve managed to convince someone (someone who is semi-conscious)
Getting drunk makes people act overall retarded, from slurring their speech, picking fights for no actual reason, dancing like an epileptic or walking sideways (to be fair, most people can’t dance for shit, and if you’re a woman, high heels make even the very basic act of walking a challenge).
1. You have a boyfriend? Fuck you!
You are in a club having a nice conversation with someone at the bar as you naturally need something to do while you wait. You get talking about some ‘common’ ground (you like movies too?).
When I go clubbing, I don’t like to be rude to the guys that make moves on me, mainly because I care about feelings. But sometimes there’s no other option to the guy who has grabbed onto your arm while you’re walking past. Or the one who comes up behind you when you’re dancing and puts his hand around your waist and won’t let go.
Love has always been and always will be a much debated subject that has no real concrete answers to it. Most people think to be in love with someone is to know them for a while to get to know them and the love will blossom. Of course this ideal makes perfect sense, but what about the old notion of love at first sight?
How long does it take you to get dressed when you head out for a night on the town?
The guys may not take as long as the girls, because they claim that there is no need to get too dressed up. Just chuck on a clean shirt and some pants is all they have to do.
Ok, so I generally loathe the term ‘indie’ or ‘hipster’, but like racist terms in the 1930s, they get people’s attention, allowing us to gather around the hate-monger fire and pretend we are better than people that we are actually just as awful as. I would consider myself a ‘geek’ in the sense that I’ve spent most my life dry-humping the orifices of pop-culture and wishing I could still afford Warhammer.
Guys find that having a mate to help facilitate pick-ups increases their chances of success. A ‘wingman’ is someone who helps a friend to screen potential partners and attract desirable ones. The term originates from aviation terminology referring to “tandem aerial combat scenarios” according to the ever reliable Wikipedia.
If you are one of those strutting alpha male John Hamm types or the kind of guy who can pass off “wanna fingerbang?” as a pick up line, then stop reading. This article is for the meek, because blessed are we, at least when it comes to discussing our favourite Simpsons writers (John Swartzwelder!).
So you’ve decided to hit the town, it’s a Friday or Saturday night, you’ve had a few drinks and you start flirting with the hot boy/girl at the bar. After a few cheesy one-liners and a few shots later, he/she agrees to go home with you. One thing leads to another and the window to sex is open, the only thing standing in the way…no condom.