No longer to people of Sydney’s West need to travel to the city for a mad night out.  Having undergone a multi-zillion dollar makeover, get set for 2 massive levels of fucking madness with the best DJs and most wanted promoters all under one roof.

Lineup for the opening night Friday, June 1, 2012 is shaping up as a blinder, with:

DJs FRESH TIKELZ
DEF ROK MAC
TROY T MEKA
NICK HOODZ SIMMY ZEE
LYRIKZ RKAYZ
NEMZ CHARLIE BROWN
WITH MC JAYSON

Kicickin it with the latest in RnB, Mashups and ofcourse, Old Skool.  Free entry before 10pm, $5 Alize, Johnny Walker Black Label and Wet Pussy shots.

Sharing over 15 years experience between them is a trio well known to the Sydney scene. All for the love of house and not about the money are Phil Hudson, Agey and Nick Andrews. Currently hosting their highly respected radio shows, events and supporting the finest house music dj’s and brands in the bizz comes a combination where quality, classic and upfront house music counts.

And if you thought that it couldn’t get any better… you’d be right if this was just an ordinary Saturday night production.  In this case, you’d be wrong with Arnott Olsen on the vocals and Chris Bongoliro on percussion, adding that special something to what is already set to be a fantastic evening.

As always, free entry all night (which is just amazing).

Phil Hudson
Agey
Nick Andrews
+
Arrnott Olssen (Live vocals)
Chris Bongoliro (Percussion)

Get amongst it people.  It’s time to start hustling.

After breaking onto the scene just over a year ago, Matt hasn’t taken a backwoods step in bringing his unique sound to dance floors around the world. Along with his collaboration project with Phil Taylor known as ‘Bowdidge & Taylor’ he is earning massive support from industry leaders such as Paul Oakenfold, Simon Patterson, Aly & Fila, John O’Callaghan, Armin van Buuren and many more.

Scott Richardson (Trancetribe)
Robbie Lowe
Lui Raptor (UCOT)
Taras Huntley
JimJam (Nevermind)

$10 to get in before midnight, $15 thereafter.

Nevermind, 163 Oxford St, Darlinghurst

1. Paris Hilton – although she borders on the celebrity line, this girl parties so hard that she had to be at number 1. In fact, Paris’s name is so notorious with the nightclub scene that she even has a club named after her – Club Paris (how original!) The Club, located in Orlando Florida, is Pink with Miss Hilton’s pictures hanging everywhere (vain much???) Paris was obliged by contract to make two appearances a month at Club Paris; however she got fired from this gig – guess it was too much hard work for the girl, or maybe she was just too busy drinking champagne and getting pissed at other clubs around the world.

2. Britney Spears – even though this MILF no longer parties every night like she used to in the good ol’ days, Britney still likes a good shin dig. Like her nightclub hopping friend, Britney loves to party in Vegas – one of her favourites – Pure at Caesars Palace. Miss Spears also likes to frequent The Troubador club with her fiancé Jason Trawick.

3. Jenna Jameson – if you believe our list, blondes really do seem to have more fun! This porn star and business mogul is a consistent visitor at TAO nightclub at the Venetian in Vegas. Celebs love TAO because it’s one of the more discreet clubs where they can go and not be bothered by the regular folk. Jenna also loves Jet at The Mirage in, yep you guessed it – Vegas!

4. Lindsay Lohan – we’d like to think this was pre-jail/rehab/enlightenment but Miss Lohan is still hitting the Hollywood nightclub scene. In fact, poor LiLo just can’ seem to stay out of trouble and was accused of starting a fight at The Standard in West Hollywood. She’s also been spotted at Pour Vous, Trousdale and Bardot nightclubs, all in Hollywood.

Check out a video of lindsay leaving Voyeur Nightclub.

5. Charlie Sheen – ahhh, good old Charlie. Where would this list be without him – non-existent we’d like to think. Although Mr Sheen’s favourite haunts seem to be strip-clubs, he is still a regular nightclub attendee. One club he frequents is Chateau in Las Vegas – he’s even hosted parties there. He’s even been spotted at Baronetti in Rio De Janeiro.

1. Coachella 

Where: California, USA

When: April

With the numerous music festivals in the States every year, Coachella is still makes it to the top of the list – beating off some fierce competition! This incredible event has drawn such big wigs like The Black Keys, Calvin Harris, Madonna, Dr Dre and Snoop Dog, Florence and the Machine, as well as festival-shy Sir Paul McCartney. What puts this 3-day festival at the top of our list is a combination of an amazing line-up,  scenic desert setting, visual art and decked-out camping grounds which include a karaoke lounge. Need we say more?

2. Glastonbury

Where: Somerset, UK

When: June

It’s a fact – Glastonbury is the largest greenfield music and performing arts festival in the world. The festival includes an array of different ‘areas’ to suit every festival-goers tastes in music, or perhaps just their mood at the time. There’s Acoustic areas, Jazzworld, the Pyramid and an area which makes you feel as if you’re in the West End of London. The area of Avalon where the festival takes place is said to perhaps be the burial site of King Arthur and encompasses an entire 900 acres. But enough about that, you wanna hear about the music! Glastonbury only attracts the best; artists like U2, Morrissey, BB King, The Wu-Tang Clan, Beyonce, Coldplay and Fatboy Slim.

3. Splendor in the Grass

Where: Byron Bay, Australia

When: July

We may be a little biased, but there is no doubt that Australia’s best music festival is a genuine rival for all those overseas festivals; and with line-ups that have incredible local and international artists like Bloc Party, Jack White, Smashing Pumpkins, Hilltop Hoods,  Missy Higgins, Lana Del Rey and Angus Stone, you can see why. In addition to the live music, there are also interactive artistic performances which makes Splendor one of the greats…

4. Roskilde

Where: Roskilde, Denmark

When: June/July

If any nation knows how to party, it’s the Danish. Clearly not happy with the usual 3-day events, they created Roskilde which is a 4-day festival, with a 4-day “warm-up”. But don’t take our word for it  - Bob Marley, U2, Metallica, Radiohead, Pearl Jam and Kings of Leon have all played here – plus the 110, 000 attendees a day can’t be wrong. Need another reason to jet off to Denmark for Roskilde? Every year they do a nudie run around the camp site!

All this negative energy puts a great big raincloud of hate and judgement over our weekend and right now there is enough rain so here is a playlist of delightful songs arranged  to make you feel great about being young and agile and… drunk.

Young, Wild and Free – Wiz Khalifa Snoop Dogg

Lyrically sticking it to the man – poses the question, “so what we get drunk, so what we smoke weed?” You ain’t doing nothing wrong, you jus havin fun.

Blame it on the Alcohol – Jamie Foxx

Okay Jamie, if you insist.

Ke$ha’s entire repertoire 

Regardless of how messy you get you can listen to Ke$ha and remind yourself, you will never be as trashy as her. Even if you tried. Even if I paid you. Even if you shopped at GASP. Ke$ha will make you look wholesome and moderate by comparison.

Shots – LMFAO

As if you can not obey lil John’s commands. Play this song and even the soberest of sally’s are going to be reaching for bottles by the end of the first chorus. Money back guarantee.

I Love College – Asher Roth

Every time I hear this, I wanna be at this party. I would give my left foot to be at this party. If this song doesn’t make you feel like you are missing out on some serious right of passage, I weep for you.

1. Winchester Tavern in Shaun of the Dead – you can’t beat a venue that protects you when there are millions of zombies chasing you. Bonus points for having cheap pints!

2. The Coyote Ugly Bar in Coyote Ugly – hot girls dancing on bars – need I say more! Ok I will, Tyra Banks, Piper Perabo, Izabella Miko….

3. Odyssey Nightclub in Saturday Night Fever – John Travolta frequents The Odyssey Nightclub, where he rips up the dance floor night after night after night. In addition to John’s killer hair-do and white slacks, any club that has a light-up floor and uber disco ball has gotta be up there with the best!

4. The Roxbury in A Night At The Roxbury – this nightclub was so awesome, the entire movie revolved around Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan obtaining entrance to it; It possibly had something to do with the exclusive guest list and supermodel attendee’s.

5. The Cell Block in Cocktail – sure it’s a bit eccentric and well, non-realistic, but how awesome was this jail-inspired club? Plus Tom Cruise (in his younger days), blending, shaking and generally creating cool-coloured drinks is a big part of why this club makes it into the top 9.

6. Studio 54 in 54 – this club was not created from the imagination of a screenwriter but was the real life ‘it’ club of the 70′s. The movie is said to have captured the energy and ambience of the original club, so that’s good enough for us.

7. The Moulin Rouge in Moulin Rouge – although, not entirely sure this could be considered a nightclub in modern society, in 1890′s Paris it probably was, so it’s included. Plus it had Nicole Kidman and a bevy of other beauties prancing around, doing acrobatics on swings and filling men’s cups with opium-infused beverages. Any club that has this combination of elements (and amazing decor!) is up there with the best.

Though you might feel a bit let down that much of today’s clubbing hits aren’t original at all and that your parents were partying to slower versions of these songs way back when, it doesn’t mean they still can’t make clubs go off. Hell, old people should be grateful that today’s DJs are acknowledging old fogie songs as they further make young people have to respect their elders for helping create the party hits we love today.

1. The Boys Of Summer

DJ Sammy made a very danceable clubbing hit that you can’t help but feel ecstatic from in 2002 from his excellent album Heaven. However, this song is a cover of an ’80s song by Don Henley, frontman for The Eagles. Though overall I personally prefer Henley’s slow, downbeat and even haunting version of this song, DJ Sammy really did this song justice by presenting it as an upbeat track to a new generation. The rock version by The Ataris is also tops.

2. Fight For You

As the verses and meanings of the songs are different, technically Jason Derulo sampled the 1982 hit ‘Africa’ by Toto rather than covered it. But nonetheless, Derulo use the chorus from this well known song that many guys probably first heard while playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

3. Do Ya Think I’m Sexy

Though N-Trance’s version of ‘Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?’ from 1997 is now old enough to get a cover version of its own, that would be redundant and seem silly as that is a cover version of a Rod Stewart song from 1978. Imagine that: a cover of a cover. Yet again, there was a video game based on the Street Fighter movie that was already based on the original fighting games, so record producers might soon flog this song once more.

4. Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)

Though this very slow, trippy song by Nancy Sinatra has been around since 1966, it got another chance at life from being on the Kill Bill soundtrack. I’m guessing Audio Bullys saw the first Kill Bill when it was released in 2003, because only two years later, they released a very catchy, danceable version of the bleak ballad. You have Quentin Tarantino to thank/blame for this song.

5. Listen To Your Heart

The song may not help you listen to your heart with romantic matters, but if you listen with your ears, you’ll realise that DHT’s dance hit is a cover of a Roxette ballad. Roxette’s version will make want to cry in bed, but DHT’s version will make you want to hit the dance floor!

6. Call On Me

Eric Prydz’s ‘Call On Me’ was a huge hit in 2004, much of its success being due to the music video of the bimbos in tights bending over suggestively in an aerobics class. Guys were too aroused and women were too offended to notice that the chorus of this song is from a 1987 pop song called ‘Valerie’ by Steve Winwood. Not only does sex sell, it distracts!

7. Star To Fall

Cabin Crew’s upbeat dance track ‘Star To Fall’ was a huge hit in 2005. This upbeat tune you can’t help but be happy from came from a hit pop song from 1988 by pop duo Boys Meets Girl.

Spending hours each and every week sourcing the best music, perfecting their technical skills behind the decks to ensure that their sets are a non-stop party, right through to the hours they devote partying in the CANT SAY tunnels.

In the unlikely event you have yet to be introduced to the team that makes Melbourne the party capital of Australia, you’ll want to get down to Banana Alley, Friday, May 25, 2012 to get amongst it.

Lineup for the night includes:

SWICK vs TRANTER
MAT CANT vs PLAY
J-HEASY vs JAMES FAVA
CONKER vs TOMDERSON
WEDNESDAY THE RAT vs GLASS MIRRORS
AIRWOLF vs JASPER

Get to Banana Alley on Queens Bridge St, Melbourne, VIC 3000

Two faced people unfortunately aren’t as easy to spot as Harvey Two-Face from Batman Forever (and to a lesser extent The Dark Knight), and they don’t go around tossing coins or hang out with The Riddler either. But here is a list of the types of two faced people you should try to avoid on a night out:

1. Sleazes

Sleazy guys will go up to girls and try to sweet talk them and act as charming as possible, basically the opposite of what they really are. These guys only want one thing and act against their nature to get it. But once a girl has firmly expressed she’s not interested in him, these guys turn into really nasty pricks who call these girls horrible names like slut, skank, and cocktease, turning the flirting that happened before into a shouting match.

2. Skanks

These so called hotties will come up to guys and flirt like there’s no tomorrow, using their assets to reel guys in. Often their goal is to get a guy to buy them a drink and they bugger off right after they get the exy cocktail that made the guy’s wallet much lighter. Skanks are also two faced to their equally bitchy friends by acting like besties, but talk shit about them behind their backs, usually saying how the other girl’s a slut or how they hooked up with more than one guy already or something along those lines, despite probably having done those things themselves.

3. Club Promoters

These are those annoying people who walk around with clipboards trying to get people to become a member of their club. If you sign up, they’re all smiles, but if you say no, they walk off, annoyed as they feel they have wasted their precious time on you when they could have been trying to dupe someone else to join their crappy club.

4. Strippers

A stripper’s goal is simple: use their toned body to get your money. Strippers act really nice at first to seduce guys into buying a lap dance and many guys are happy to oblige, but these hos drop the act and treat you like dirt once they are either done with you or know they aren’t going to get what they want.