High school reunions are meant to be this huge party reminiscent of the good old days of high school (*cough* bullshit *cough*) where everyone gets to catch up and listen to hit songs from the years you were in school (the early and mid ’00s for me; eww!). But now that Facebook exists and many use it to write statuses about some very personal shit, everyone more or less knows what’s going on in each others lives. But you don’t regularly leave them comments on FB anyway, so why bother seeing them? The convo’s just going to get awkward quickly anyway.

But besides catching up with old “friends” (if they were real friends, you would’ve kept in contact with them), the major reason peeps go to high school reunions is to try to pick up someone they had the hots for during their school days. Whether said hottie has maintained their X factor or not is questionable, but there’s that annoying human need for closure and the opening of legs.

There’s this Vietnamese girl I went to school with that I thought was a stunner. I haven’t seen her in years, but I’ve got her on Facebook and I still like what I see. Most hotties you can forget about, but this girl was sex on legs! She wasn’t technically the hottest girl at school, but there was just something about her. Long black hair, naturally tanned skin, and full, luscious lips that actually allows her to pull off the infamous duck face that most girls fuck up. She knows how to dress to flaunt what she’s got too. She’s a prime example of why many white dudes love Asian chicks. Point being, if a high school reunion were to happen, I wouldn’t mind having a crack. (Not that it’ll ever happen of course, she’d definitely say no, and I do have a girlfriend. Oh well, she was a bit of a bitch anyway).

Anyway, back to the topic before this article becomes a masturbation fantasy. Now that Facebook’s around, it’s harder to get around the truth if you feel the need to impress. It’s not like you can just make up some profession you do to impress your former high school crush. Chances are they’ve seen on Facebook that you were actually a clerk at Blockbuster between 2008-10 and then stocked shelves at Coles from 2011 onwards or some dead end jobs like that. If only you thought not to put that in your work history on your profile when you initially made your Facebook. Not knowing how little trivial things like that can affect your future can be a huge bitch.

Of course there’s a huge chunk of your life that wouldn’t be on Facebook, but with constant photos and updates being uploaded, aren’t high school reunions pointless now? The whole point of high school reunions was to find out all the gossip about people who haven’t seen in yonks that you had no way of possibly knowing and intriguing old flames with your life story. Those days are long gone.

On the other hand, Y.O.L.O.! Just go for it! Even if you don’t pick up, it’s better to regret something you did than something you didn’t do.

I guess it comes down to the fact that most girls are insecure and taking photos of themselves is a way to heighten their self esteem. Taking numerous photos allows the girls to pick the best photo of themselves to show the world. Society has such high pressure on girls and how they look that we take the photographs to prove they are socially acceptable.

Bathroom ‘selfies’ are notorious in girls bathrooms at clubs because it gives the girls the opportunity to stare at themselves while they take the photo. They are able to get their pose right, fix their hair and makeup and take pictures knowing exactly what they look like. After all, these pictures go on Facebook and Instagram for all the boys to see.

Going clubbing allows girls to get all dressed up with their hair and make up done. Therefore they like to take a million photos to remember how good they looked and show everyone how good they looked. It’s also a way to remember the night in case they get too drunk.

Looking at photos of other girls is also inspiration for girls. They get to see hair styles they like, clothes they want to buy and make up they’ve never seen. It’s almost a subconscious way girls speak to each other.

It may be an annoying trait for the fellas to watch their ladies constantly ask for a pic or randomly yell out ‘pose’, but it’s something they enjoy.

Also, Instagram alone relies on photographs. So although constant ‘selfies’ are annoying, it’s expected that photos are uploaded for others to enjoy. So why not snap the best pics when you’re all dressed up and looking smart?

Regardless of anyone’s opinions, photographs taken by girls of other girls (in a non-suss way) will always happen.

If you can’t beat em..may as well join em!

These types of friends could prove to be more legitimate if you gave them a chance. Your life could be enriched by letting them enter the realm of the whole you not just the ‘fun’ you.  Here is how to convert a drinking friend into a real friend in five easy steps:

1. Make an effort to see them before a night out. This is a baby step. If you know you’ll be out at the same club, invite them to your house (or a quiet bar) first for pre-drinks. This is a non-threatening move that simply makes sense. They already associate you with drinking but this more intimate setting gives you more of a chance to get to know them properly. You also are showing that they mean more to you as you invite them into your home and therefore share a little bit of yourself too.

2. Make plans to see them after a night out and stick to them. There is a lot of drunken claiming that goes on on a night out. A lot of people are super keen on the idea of a pancake filled brunch or the likes but come the morning the hangover hits and they want to do nothing but lie in a fetal position feeling sorry for themselves. Breakfast is a good plan. Choose a convenient place and call or message them in the morning to have breakfast and talk about last night.

3. Use common interests. So you are now used to pre-drinking and catching up on lazy Sunday mornings to share the jigsaw pieces of your memories with your new friend. You probably have gotten a chance to find something out that you both like. A movie you both want to see? Why not see it together. A TV show or sport you both follow? Why not organise weekly viewings with popcorn and witty commentary. They like to play basketball? Invite them out to shoot some hoops.

4. Remove the alcohol. It is easy to convince someone to come ‘hang out’ if there is the prospect of alcohol involved. The hard part is organising non-drinking related activities. All the above examples could include drinking. Remove it.

5. Ask them for advice/help with something. Now you and your new friend often pre-drink together and meet up on weeknights for a sober Call of Duty session. To make them truly your friend, you need to ask them for help with something. Relationship advice or occupational advice would work. Maybe you need help building a shelf. Show them that you need them, that they are an integral part of your life and then they will understand that you are friends. When you find them asking you for help/advice, then you know its real.

If you want to submit a video on the business that is bars and nightclubs, post in on YouTube (as you do) and send the link to matt(at)barsandnightclubs.com.au. Enjoy!

Courtesy of Bar Owner TV <www.barowner.tv>

Avoiding people in clubs is easy. Usually, once you turn your back, the person you’re with or avoiding is lost in the crowd. However, if they do suddenly appear, try and turn your head around without making it obvious that you’re avoiding them. If your eyes do meet, smile then turn away. Being the bigger person essentially gives you the power and gives the illusion you’ve moved on from the relationship or friendship (clever right?).

If you happen to bump into them physically (or they to you), turn around smile and apologise. You’ll look more mature and if it was anyone else you would have done the same thing.

If this person gives you dirty looks, give a smile back. It will irritate them more without making you look like a bitch.

There is nothing trashier than starting a verbal fight in a club. So if this happens, be mature and walk away or take the conversation outside. Otherwise it looks pathetic and immature.

If this person does try to get physical, walk away or talk to security. Fighting in public is uncool and you could both end up being kicked out or with a public nuisance fine.

A club is place for everyone to be able to let loose and have fun. There is no reason why two people who dislike each other should ruin it for everyone else and themselves. Be smart when going out, after all, no guy or girl is going to want to take home someone who’s just got into a verbal or physical fight.

Starting out as an online series that got a whopping 10 million views, it was inevitable that it would some day reach television. Showing the underbelly of Australian society, hosts Kirk Docker and Ryder Susman take you on a weird journey where they work out and play table tennis at a nude gym, learning how to make breast milk ice cream (yummy!), and seeing the daily lives of heroin addicts shooting up in their Collingwood housing commission flat. Wholesome family entertainment this is not.

With the pilot episode airs on Tuesday 21 May at 11:30pm on SBS2, if you think a show like Jackass takes things way too far, ViveCoolCity will make Jackass look like Play School! In another words, it’s going to be a real eye opener (possibly quite literately with the stuff going on here!). Even Aussie television icon Andrew Denton praised the show in his witty way: “Seditious. Ugly. Confronting. Disturbing. Four good reasons to love ViveCoolCity.”

1. Work The Next Morning

Chefs can’t (or shouldn’t) stay out all night because of a day of grueling work the next morning (not that that would’ve stopped a lot of them from doing so, of course). They can’t take the next morning off because Saturday/Sunday (especially Sunday) are the busiest days of the week, and are probably only the middle of the working week for them, like a Wednesday or Thursday for most people. Not only will your boss probably not let you have the day off, but you’ll look like a soft cock for taking it off because of your probable hangover (chefs have a knack for giving each other a lot of shit). They start work when most people would just be leaving the club! And if hungover the next day, bacon and eggs are just another reminder of work to them rather than a hangover cure.

2. Chefs Are On Their Feet All Day

Chefs are constantly moving around, usually without a break! (Unsurprisingly, a lot of chefs are smokers, and frequently go out to sit down to puff on cancer sticks). So once they’re out clubbing, their feet are going to be very tender by midnight. Female chefs will cop it even worse if they wear high heels after a day of rushing between cooking parmas and burgers.

3. Chefs Are (Somewhat) Anti-Social

With serving many ungrateful customers food all day, and there’s usually one arsehole or two who complains about something petty about their food, chefs basically just come to hate people. Their only “friends” are the other kitchen staff. With this negative attitude towards work and life, and with knowing they have to work again within hours, chefs aren’t always the most fun people around.

4. Chefs Are On Edge All The Time

With such a demanding job, it comes no surprise that chefs are both an exhausted and high strung bunch. They’re never truly relaxed, even after drinking alcohol. It comes with the job unfortunately.

5. Weekends And Public Holidays Mean Jack Shit

Every time I listen to the radio when I drive to and from work on a Friday, peeps are like “The weekend’s finally here people!” and people doing shout outs to mates on a night out. This means absolutely nothing to hospitality workers and the radio is just rubbing it in. Not only is clubbing ruined for chefs because it’s the middle of the week for them, but public holidays and long weekends pretty much don’t exist and are just ordinary days for them. If anything, it means extra work for them because everyone wants to go out and eat! Boo!

Just to think, these poor souls voluntarily got into this line of work!

While being deso has only happened four times so far, these nights have been great fun and drinking in winter doesn’t have the same appeal for me as it used to. So I’ve decided to compare drinking with being sober in winter to see if it really does have more pros on a night out.

Getting Home:

Drunk: Wait for freezing cold train, catch the vomit filled night rider or grab a super expensive taxi, sore feet, sobering up, gets light later than when I get home.

Sober: Blankets and uggies in my warm, heated car, leave whenever I want, does not smell like vomit.

Fun Factor:

Drunk: Super, super, crazy, awesome fun with my great super awesome new friends that I made!! (But these people actually think I’m annoying and I’m about to throw up in a pot plant).

Sober: Great night with good friends, no vomiting, can get away from people I don’t want to talk to without being an asshole.

Dancing:

Drunk: Oh Yeah! I am Beyonce, Queen Bey. Bring it girl. Get out ma way. Booty Shake!!

Sober: Fun, don’t look like an idiot and can watch all the other idiots, don’t spill my drink all over myself.

Drinks:

Drunk: I’m so super warm right now, taking shots with my mates.

Sober: Ugh, mocktails suck and lemonade tastes weird without vodka.

Outfit:

Drunk: Wear summery outfit and freeze on the way there and on the way home, but sweat in the club because of dancing, body heat and drinks OR wear wintery outfit, have to put coat in coatroom, forget coat because I’m so drunk, freeze on way home OR wear wintery outfit and sweat like a motherfucker.

Sober: Drive to club in my warm blankie, step out of my car in super cute outfit, blanket heat stays with me until I get to the club, club is warm, run to car back to my blankie.

For some reason, I feel like drinking in winter will only happen if someone is driving me. But as soon as summer comes back, I will take the vodka by the bottle and reacquaint myself with my liquid love.

1. Mobile phone battery pack: If you’re one of those people who’s always frantically texting your friends, ‘my phones on 1%, fucking reply or I won’t be able to find you!’, perhaps you’ll consider investing in a battery pack for your mobile phone. Small enough to store in a purse or bag, just plug your phone in on the go and you’ve got a burst of battery life that’ll last you ’til you stumble home through the front door. Plus it’ll set you back less than $50.

2. Pack band aids or blister blockers: No matter how good your shoes look, there’s no need to put up with oozing blisters if you don’t have to. Put some on as prevention and take a couple of spares in case.

3. Panadol, Berocca, etc.: If you’re going to be staying at a mate’s place, don’t risk them not having the hangover essentials – pack your own. You probably don’t want to be traipsing through their house at 8am, still intoxicated, scaring parents and children alike rummaging desperately for painkillers that will probably be in the last place you look.

4. Emergency money: If you rely on a credit or debit card, stash a $50 note safely in your pocket or a secret zipper in your bag in case you lose the card. The worst feeling in the world is being stranded with no money and no way to get home.

5. Pack ‘protection’: You never know where you’ll end up! Better to be safe than sorry.