Good Friday is fast approaching and many of us will be spending at least part of it getting our drank on with our mates on a well deserved night out - what better way to commemorate a bloke that turned water into wine. Whereas some of us will be lapping up them good vibes at a gathering or house party, a lot of us will be out on the town looking for bunnies of our own. To increase your chances of getting in lads, take notice of these five helpful tips.
1. Be a girl. Seriously, it’s foolproof. It’s so simple, you just walk into the line and almost always the bouncer will jovially admit you, a smile on his face and a spring in his step. You might have to wait until you get to the front of the line but don’t fret, simply use this time to lord over all the suckers being denied entry for no apparent reason whatsoever. But if a gender change is a tad too drastic or out of your budget, pay close attention to tip number two.
2. Find girls to accompany you at the door. This slightly more rational option is important. The girls can be some you already know or random ones, it doesn’t matter. If they can walk on their hind legs and they’re of the female variety, your chances of getting in have just skyrocketed. If you find yourself somewhat lacking in the fairer sex, find some and offer to buy them a drink if they’re generous enough to agree to wait in line with you.
3. Don’t drink the equivalent of an olympic swimming pool in beer before you get there. You’ll be slurring, bloated, red-faced and grouchy. Remember it’s called pre-drinks for a reason. Keep it to a six-pack or under. A good guide to utilise here is the WWBFD (what would Brendan Fevola do) and then do the exact opposite.
4. Don’t ever, EVER, tell the bouncer you’re not drunk. If you tell the bouncer you’re not drunk, it means that you’re 100% most certainly drunk. Technically bouncers aren’t allowed to admit drunken people (unless they’re girls) so approach as cautiously and respectfully as you would the Soup Nazi guy in Seinfeld.
5. If you can spring for a limo, you can ignore tips one to four. If movies like The Mask or bad TV dramas are anything to go by, if you exit a limo in front of a venue you’ll be granted entry almost immediately, even if you’re scary wasted, without girl and can’t stop assuring the bouncers you have only ever have a snifter of brandy on Christmas.
So there it is, try to follow tips 1-4 unless you can spring for a limo. To celebrate Easter and the night of devout piousness we’re all sure to fulfil, here’s a cracking good song about lining up at bars or clubs:
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