When you know you have work tomorrow, there’s a certain change in behaviour that occurs in a female on any given night on the town. It’s one of the sipping of wine, the refusing of another, and then of the realisation that you only live once. Cue inhibitions out the window! If you’re faced with this very dilemma each and every night on the drink, fear not. The following excuses are unwritten oaths of the female kind. Keep on throwing those inhibitions to the window, to the wall. Oh ski ski god damn!
1. “It’s that time of the month”
If you want to ensure that your boss or colleague doesn’t pry when you call in sick to work the following day- the simple mention of menstrual cycles should set you in the clear and out of the err, red, so to speak. Mention your “period” and prepare for a five second silence followed by a brisk goodbye. What’s even better is you don’t have to fake sniffle when you do eventually return to the rat race.
2. “Schnookums died”
There’s nothing wrong with stooping low in order to get what you want- hell, you were pretty set on ‘getting’ low’ to win yourself a hook up last night, right? Mentioning the death of a pet will not only ensure you a day to rest your weary legs from all that floor-booty action- but you’re also certain to grab a few condolences and even a bunch of flowers on the way there. People are so kind!
3. “My car has broken down on the freeway”
Never underestimate the sheer genius of standing next to heavy traffic with a sob story. The noises of cars, trucks and sub woofers create a symphony of sorrow when combined with the cries of your poor, stranded soul. Add an estimated RACV rescue time of two or more hours and there’s no way your workplace will ask you to come in for the remainder of your shift. Cue violins and order that pizza.