Girls are the best. Girls are cool and smart and great and we smell nice and know how to get rid of hair and make our fingernails look sexy. We could rule the world, we could. We just don’t want everyone to know how actually amazing we are. But, so much awesomeness needs some boundaries and hence us girls have the Unspoken Rules of Feminism. Sadly, it has occurred to me that they are so unspoken that some girls are forgetting their sisterly duties to their gal pals. It’s sad. Maybe even sadder than knowing that us Australians enjoy trashy TV so much we sold out Sydney to make ‘The Shire. So here is the written version of the refresher course I just took (ie watching Mean Girls and Clueless)

1. If thou friend is macking on with a mega babe, thou shalt take every action to ensure the felicity of the union.

In other words, don’t be a sooky baby if your BFF is gettin some and you ain’t. Think of this like a wedding and you are the maid of honour. Right now you are performing the night club cockblocking equivalent of standing up and speaking now about why you think this union should not go ahead at your best friend’s wedding. Thats not something you would do. So hold ya peace, even if you are dancing on your own for like five minutes. You would expect her to do the same.

2. (Clause to rule 1) Any lady engaging in some positive contact with a gentleman should remember that chicks come before dicks.

You don’t lash on your girls, even for a really cute boy. Well not without checking they’re okay with it first.

3. Thou must notify ones friends if they have applied excessive amounts of makeup/fake tan and end up two skin tones darker than their ethnicity.

You, silent and culpable bystander, are as guilty of committing an assault on peoples eyes, as the actual culprit in this beauty crime.

4. Thou shalt never get with thou’s best friends boyfriend under any circumstances while you are still friends.

That’s weird for everyone.

5. Thou shalt respect the scared right of the wearing of a new garment by the owner.

You can’t ask someone to borrow their dress before they have had the chance to. Even if this dress looks better on you than it does on her, you’ve gotta be selfless and respect that shiz.