Women…they’re exhausting on a good day. It’s true – even as a member of womanity, I’ll pay that. Girls are head cases sometimes and even more so when they are drunk. It only takes one time as designated driver to realise you could never, ever be your friends’ boyfriend.

Though, in our drunken defence, we don’t really realise the things we do are in fact doing everyones head in. We are innocent in our ignorance. So, I am going to set the record straight and save you boyfriends the argument – girls, here is a list of all the annoying things you do when you are drunk. They are never cute or endearing, and you should be aware that you are doing them so you can try and stop. I know you don’t want to be this girl, I know she’s not you.

1. Talk in a whiney voice. 

I don’t know why but alcohol has some supreme ability to turn normal girls really needy and overwhelming. If you are a scientist I will try and petition for my university to sponsor a very expensive study to find out why. A severe symptom of this neediness is a significant increase in voice pitch and the elongation of vowels at the end of sentences, e.g. “why are you talking to her all the timeeeeee?”. Way to get dumped! Girls if you are going to say something annoying, and yes sometimes these things need to be said, try and say it in the most normal, least irritating way you can. For all our sake.

2. Complain your feet hurt.

Of course your feet hurt, those shoes you are wearing may be obviously gorgeous to a fashionista like you, but look ridiculous and painful to the naked eye. You are just confirming what your boyfriend knew was going to happen all long: yes, those shoes make your legs look hot but that is minor compensation for the fact that everybody is suffering now, even the people that chose to wear Vans. Suck it up, princess.

3. Say you aren’t going to eat anything, and then ask to share someones burger.

Not engaging in a mass binge after a big night out is courageous feat and should only be attempted by those will will powers of steel. Know your limits. Don’t be a hero and withhold when you actually are dying for a Big Mac because you will just end up depriving your loved ones of their food. And remember, hungry is only two letters away from angry.

Just keep these in mind and we can pretend none of this ever happened.